Monday, March 17, 2014

Are You Victoria's Secret Bathing Suit Ready? The 2014 Edition!

It's that special time of year, ladies!  Time to slough off the dry winter white skin.  Time to shave down all those areas that get neglected during the cold winter months.  Yes, that area especially.  Time to emerge from your cozy cocoon and become the beautiful butterfly that you are!  And Victoria's Secret is here to help.  With their new collection of swimwear for all body types, you are sure to find something that's PERFECT for you as you navigate changing poopy swim diapers, holding sand-strewn toddlers and chasing after wandering preschoolers at the beach!

First, we have the Weird Tanline Collection

  For when you want to sexily "hide" your belly button...

 You may want to re-think wearing a v-neck tee with these tan lines...

 Argyle!  On your skin!

 Is that a belt buckle on the side?

 Ummm, but what if your boobs hang low?  Methinks they'd come out the bottom of that suit...

 Why yes, I DO have gumdrop shaped tanlines on my boobs.

 Next, we have the Crafty Collection:

 A lace doily! 

 Macrame!  Fashion this yourself using your child's rainbow loom!

 Crochet!  Grandma would be so proud!

 And finally, we have the WTF Collection:

 Ball gag and handcuffs not included.

 It doubles as a bib!  For when you chow down that messy sub sammich on the beach.

 1986 called.  They want their cheesy floral off-the-shoulder halter top back.

I like to think this is what I look like when I'm yelling at my kids on the beach. 

Obviously inspired by JLo's famous dress.  Crotch sand optional.

I told you there was something for everyone:  
Here's Vicky's cute bikini for all you one-armed ladies out there.


This is my favorite post to write every year!  Here are my previous Victoria's Secret bathing suit posts--please share!



Shell said...

Another good one, Sarah! Their suits really are ridiculous!

Amy said...

So hilarious!

Classy Fab Sarah said...

In the last couple photos I really don't feel like the heads match the bodies correctly.

Yes, apparently I'm choosing that to focus on.... not the insane tan lines.


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