Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Gym People

The Types of People You Encounter At Your Fitness Center:
1.  That guy you end up next to 2 days in a row on the treadmill.  You know, the one whose body odor smells like sharp raw onion.  That guy.

2. The dude who isn't yet actually using the only bike left, but puts his water and towel on the bike to save it...for a half hour while he does something else.

3.  The super pretty, skinny gal who prances in, runs mayyyyybe 20 minutes on the treadmill without breaking a sweat, and then is done (because she probably doesn't even need to work out in the first place), and meanwhile I'm on the treadmill next to her like this:

4.  The GRUNTER. Enough said.

5.  Even though there are signs that say "No Cellphone Usage" plastered all over the gym, there's always that one super special important person who thinks the rules don't apply, and proceeds to have a loud conversation via cell phone. That you can hear through your headphones. And it makes me want to do take the cell phone and do this...

...and then everyone else in the gym would clap.

6.  That girl who is blowdrying her hair before you get in the shower, who is still blowdrying her hair after you are done with your shower and are getting dressed, and is frigging STILL using the blowdryer when you need it. Tell me, who blowdries their hair for more than 15 minutes?! (Besides BeyoncĂ©).

7.  I am not working out at 7am (or earlier) to make friends. It's awkward when we are both in skimpy towels, and you want to make conversation with me. I don't know you. I'm not sure if I want to get to know you. Let me get back to you on that when I have my clothes on.

Friday, May 08, 2015

What I'm Loving - Spring 2015

It must be the gorgeous spring weather that is making me somewhat agreeable, because there are actually quite a bit of items I have to share with you!

Just boughtThis mascara. Sadly, I suffer from thin, sparse and stubby eyelashes. It's a condition. Pray for me. (And of course the 3 males who I birthed have GREAT eyelashes. Such a waste!) So I'm always on the hunt for the perfect mascara. This one seemingly thickens, lengthens AND curls (I still use an eyelash curler though). Thumbs up.

Binge-watching: Parenthood.  I know, I know. I'm about 6 years behind everyone else. (Just started Season 3!)  But there's something to be said about the luxury of watching numerous episodes in a row, don't you think? Plus I'm one of four children - 2 boys and 2 girls. This show is eerily familiar and similar to my own family dynamics. My Mom is also binge-watching. I texted her last week and said, "I'm so the character of the uptight attorney Julia, aren't I?!" To which she responded, "Yep."
Laughing atImpractical Jokers. Hubby and I just discovered this show last night. Our boys have been watching (and laughing) and the 2 of us would notice in passing and comment, "What the heck are you 3 watching?!" Finally, last night all 5 of us had the chance to watch together, and at first I assumed it was another one of the brain-dead shows they enjoy watching (think SpongeBob or Henry Danger) so I had my Kindle at the ready, but it was surprisingly hilarious.

DoingCrossfit. Again. I stopped doing it last summer, out of nothing but sheer laziness. I did.not.enjoy. waking at 5am when the boys were on summer vacation. I had no lunches to pack, no breakfasts to make, no children to yell at to get ready for school. It bought me at least another glorious hour of sleep. And once I stopped, well, it seemed like it would be super hard to go back. So I didn't. All through last summer, fall and winter, I was on a crossfit hiatus. (The current size of my gut and ass are indeed proof of that hiatus.) After my running mishap, I knew that once I was healed, I needed to do SOMETHING. I'm still a little gun shy to run, but I knew that if I took the MWF ass crack of dawn mornings that were kindly offered to me, I would be held accountable. I need that.

Wearing: Speaking of exercise, I'm a huDge fan of Sweaty Bands. They are the only hair accessory I have found that holds my hair back and doesn't slip. But an ad for these Hippie Runner headbands keep popping up on my Facebook feed and the price was right - $8 each and buy 3, get one free! Here's my Sis modeling the one I bought for her:


Reading: I use Goodreads religiously so my "to-read" shelf is chock-full. But every once in a while, I want someone to JUST TELL ME what book to read.right.now. Dancing on Broken Glass, the debut novel by author Ka Hancock, was a fabulous, tear-jerking, tissue-using, nose-blowing recommendation. You will finish this novel with a heavy heart, and you will understand what "dancing on broken glass" truly means to the characters in this novel.  *Sob*

Eating: A friend came over last weekend and brought this fabulous avocado dip that we all devoured. The guys even threw some on their burgers!

HAPPY SPRING 2015! Enjoy!

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Are you Victoria's Secret Bathing Suit Ready? The 2015 Edition!

As we all know and would like NOT to be reminded anytime soon...this winter was HORRID. And I mean horrid in the "I'd like to move now" "I need a vacation now" "I may kill someone now" sort of way.

Oh, and also the "Hell no, I'm not shaving anytime or anywhere because this hair is an extra layer" sort of way.


Pollen Spring is in the air and there is a ray of (sun)light ahead.

Time to get beach body ready, ladies!

And where else would you turn but Victoria's Secret for ever-so-practical beachwear?!

Vicky certainly hasn't let us down yet, has she?!

For Summer 2015:
 The 80's called - they'd like their mesh back.

Wonder what to do with your thumbs when you're wearing a bikini?  
Well, wonder no more!

I believe this style is called "The Sexy Diaper".

This suit doubles as a learning device for your preschooler during the long summer break.
Teach them how to tie!  (Cleavage not included.)

Ummm...so who thought it would be a good idea to put that random cutout there?
It's not.

"Mommy, are you embarrassed because you look like a naked cavewoman?"

These bikini bottoms leave me speechless.  
(And her crotch looks weirdly photoshopped.)

Because those long unnecessary tassels swishing against your legs
wouldn't bother you AT ALL.  Especially if they're dripping wet.

"Henry, wait for me.  Momma's just gonna pop a squat right here, honey."

This one comes with detailed instructions for how to put it on without strangling yourself.

Lizzie finally figured out what to do with all her extra gold hoop earrings...

Happy Shopping!

Tuesday, March 17, 2015


Since January, I have been training to run a half marathon on March 29th.  Even throughout the Snowiest Winter on Record this year (true fact), I ran outdoors when I could (rarely) and indoors on a dreadmill when it was too cold or too snowy (which was most of the time, it seemed).  I never knew I could run 7 or 8 miles on a treadmill.  How immensely boring, right?  But I did it.

I did a long run every Saturday or Sunday, increasing my mileage weekly.  I was actually starting to like not hate running again.

I am one of those people whose coping method is to ignore or avoid.  For example, if my car is making a funny sound, I simply turn up the radio so I can't hear the sound.  (My husband LOVES it when I do this, trust me.)  If I can't deal with a person or a situation, I simply avoid at all costs.  It's what I do.

I started having pain in my lower right leg some time ago.  It was when I was doing a lot of switching from treadmill to road, back to treadmill.  I figured it was perhaps shin splints (which I have had plenty of experience with from my high school/college soccer days).  With a few days of rest, the pain would subside a bit.

Until it didn't anymore.

A few weeks ago, I realized the pain was constant.  Yet I continued to lalalala ignore it.  Running was okay, because once my muscles got warm, it didn't really hurt. But it was the aftermath that was the hardest.  It got so that I would do a long run (I was up to 10 miles!) and then take a full week off because my leg hurt so bad.  Lalalala.

In my pea-brained head, I rationalized that I would try to make it through the marathon and THEN go see a doctor.  Because that is totally the smartest thing to do, right?  Don't answer that.

My poor body finally spoke up and yelled at me to CUT THE SHIT and GO SEE A DOCTOR, DUMBASS!  Alas, I went to my primary physician last week. My doctor (and I, deep down) suspected it was probably a fracture, so I was scheduled for a bone scan.  I was advised to be non-weight bearing on my right leg.  Meaning crutches.  LALALALA NOT LISTENING

The bone scan was on Friday.  Saturday I was called and told that it indeed indicated a stress fracture.

My appointment with an orthopedist is tomorrow.  At this point, I am COUNTING DOWN to go, it hurts that much.

Listen to your body, kids.  It's the only one you've got.  Lesson learned (the hard way).

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

You've Got a Friend

As I settle into my early 40's, I find myself becoming less and less interested in the superficialness of social interaction.

Meaning, I'm kind of picky and I like it that way.

At this stage of the game, I'm consciously making the choice to surround myself with women whom I'm comfortable around.

These women have actually known my husband longer than they have known me!  I first met all of them at one of their weddings.  I was Hubby's "plus one".  I'm so very thankful to have them.  Through multiple pregnancies (15 children between us!); the different stages of childrearing; the ups and downs of our marriages and parenting moments; and most recently, and sadly, facing the immortality of our own parents - these 5 gals are my backbone.  Since none of us live in the same town, I'm proud of the way we make time for each other.  To seize that 24 or 48 hours to reconnect.  To let down our hair.  To eat and drink, to laugh and cry.

I'm so lucky to have that.

And it helps that our children get along as well.  Heh.

 (This is one of my most favorite pics.)

That's another thing I've learned as I, and my boys, age.  You can't pick your kids' friends.  So it certainly helps when your son's bestie turns out to be your soulmate in friendship who lives in the same neighborhood.  Plus, your husbands are also good buddies.

Being able to watch Scandal together on a Friday night with pj's and slippers (and wine).  The comfortable silence of hanging out together, but reading magazines or books.  Sharing meals.  Sharing childcare. But most of all, sharing laughter and sarcasm and all of life's ups and downs without any pretenses, knowing that we always have each others' backs.  The Amy Poehler to my Tina Fey.

 I am so lucky to have that.

And then there's my Sis.  Who knows me better than anyone, aside from my husband.  Who has grown up with me and shared the same experiences.  Who I'm proud to not only call a sister, but a friend.  Someone who is stronger than I'll ever be.  Someone who has risen above numerous obstacles.  An awesome nurse.  A marathon runner.  And even though she still won't forgive me for pushing her down the cellar stairs, blindfolded, when we were kids (isn't that what big sisters do?  no?), we share an unbreakable sisterly connection.

I am so lucky.

Friday, February 13, 2015

Movie-Induced Narcolepsy...It's a Thing

We all have our crosses to bear.  But this, this affliction that I have, well, it's kinda embarrassing.

You guys, I fall asleep during the movies.

At home, this behavior is much more acceptable, if not actually expected, after almost 16 years of marriage.   1.  Hubby puts a movie on.  2.  I fall asleep.  3.  He wakes me up after the movie is over to go to bed.  Lather, rinse, repeat.

As a matter of fact, it ONLY used to happen in the privacy of my home.  Which was totally fine.  But then, it started carrying over into the public realm.

I'd take the boys to see a kids' movie  (See:  Rio 2; Mr. Peabody and Sherman; Despicable Me 2) and I would fall asleep.  This was harmful to no one, especially if it was a 3D movie.  Score!  I could hide my closed eyes behind glasses.  And then I'd fudge my answers to any questions the boys would ask afterwards about the movie.  "I'm not sure what my favorite part was--what was YOUR favorite part?  Oh yeah!  That was totally mine too!"

But now?

It keeps happening.

I mean, it's not like I TRY to fall asleep.  As a matter of fact, it's just the opposite.  I drink Red Bull beforehand.  I sit upright.  I try not to blink my eyes.  But soon, the inevitable happens.  My eyes get heavier and heavier.  I feel myself start to slink lower and lower in my seat.  My blinks become longer and longer...

...and then I get a quick elbow in the side, alerting me to the fact that I've succumbed to the sweet sweet release of some zzzzzzzzzzzzzs and may or may not actually be snoring.  Out loud.  In a public theatre.

Now one would think that it would depend on what type of movie I was watching.  One would be wrong.

I've fallen asleep during comedies.  See:  The Heat--the hilarious comedy with Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy.  (I was told that I randomly woke up and laughed during it.)

I've fallen asleep during dramas.  See:  The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo.  (This one shouldn't be held against me though!  The entire movie was dark and dreary and rainy.)

I've even fallen asleep during suspenseful movies.  See:  Gone Girl.   See also:  Elbow jabbed in side for snoring. (I blame the theatre for this one.  Recliners?  I was doomed from the start!)

Luckily, I have good friends who humor my affliction.  They know there's a darn good chance I won't make it through a movie to discuss plot points or character development.  But I am a warm body if they don't want to head to a show alone.  One of my friends likens me to "Weekend at Bernie's."

So, all this is to say that I'm about to head out to the theatre tonight.

To totally reinforce the media's stereotype of the silly suburban mother, I'm seeing 50 Shades of Grey with an entire gaggle of women.  The show starts at 10:10pm. 

Here's hoping Christian Grey's twitchy palms can keep me awake and seductively biting my bottom lip.

(I'm cautiously optimistic.)

Laters, baby.

Thursday, January 08, 2015

Writing Again/Running Again

My resolution for 2015 is Fit Not Fat in '15.  I care about my weight (and the losing thereof), yes (obviously), but I want to FEEL GOOD.  I want to feel like I'm FIT.  And the last time I truly remember feeling that way was when my Sis and I were training for our very first half marathon back in 2007 (OMG).  I remember back then when I had a 6, 3 and 2 year old (double OMG) that I felt confidentStrong.  And secure in knowing that I could run for over 2 hours straight.  My nutrition was on point because I was training for a goal.  Don't get me wrong, I mean, I definitely learned the hard way that eating a bag of Doritos before a long run wasn't the best idea.  (Same for Mexican food.)  (Same for drinking too much the night before.)

I've let myself slip in the 7 years since.  I have run two more half marathons since, but my finish time has gotten progressively slower each race.  2:03, then 2:09, then 2:24.  Yuck.  But still.  I ran them.  My 2:24 was in June of 2012.  So 2-1/2 years ago was the last time I ran a half.  There have been 2 others that I actually signed up (and paid for), but I didn't run them.  Injury and fear and lack of training and self-sabotage kept me on the sidelines.

I'm over it.  I'm ready to recommit.

And so.

In conjunction with this great organization, I have committed to a half marathon training program, culminating in a race on March 29th of this year.  There are classes.  Yoga.  A weekly training program.  Group long runs every Saturday morning.  It's exactly what I needed to hold me accountable.  Which I so desperately require.

Last night was the kick-off meeting.  I went in, not knowing what to expect at all.  You guys, I left there totally motivated, energized, and excited about what's to come in the next few months.  The guest speaker was Rick Muhr.  He was a compelling motivational speaker who is currently training THOUSANDS of runners for April's Boston Marathon.  There's something to be said about running keeping you young, man.  Because this dude looked mayyyyybe 40, and he's 56! 

(Did I ever tell you that my LIFE GOAL is to run a full marathon?  And that I feel uncomfortably uneasy, in a good way, that THIS YEAR might be my year?)

Pretend I didn't just say that though.  I don't want to jinx myself.

You know what has gotten me to this path?  I mean, besides feeling uncomfortable in my own skin, and knowing I could and should be doing better? 

Sibling rivalry.

'Tis true.  My Sis has completely turned her life around and it has been inspiring to witness.  This past fall, she ran not one, but TWO FULL MARATHONS.   Once she did her first, she was hooked.  Her third is coming up in February.  On the Cape.  In the winter.  Crazy, I know, but she's truly that invested.  And to see the differences that running has made in her life, both mentally and physically, has made me say, all When Harry Met Sally-esque, "I'll have what SHE'S having!"

More to come.  Not just about running either.  About life in the Trenches lately.  And about our new puppy.  And sports.  Always sports.

Stay tuned!  I'm back!


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