So, as you know, I'm doing a 7-Day Cleanse. (Day 5 today, holla!)
You are supposed to drink the dietary supplement throughout the course of an entire day. But it tastes gross (to me), so I like to get it over with. (Patience? Thy name is NOT Sarah.)
Consuming it quickly causes *unfortunate* consequences.
Like the runrunrun to the bathroom RIGHT NOW sort of consequences. (When this happens at work, I just put a determined look on my face and act like I have somewhere really important to go.) (Which I do.)
You get my point.
Ironically enough, we watched "Dumb and Dumber" on Sunday night.
Yesterday I was driving home from work, having already drank my 32 oz. of
When you're shifting into first and you feel something burst...
And that's when it kicked in.
Thankfully, I was already off the Mass Pike and headed down the home stretch.
But I was definitely driving over the speed limit. (And sweating.)
And I thought, "Oh my God, what if I got pulled over for speeding? Seriously, what would I DO?!"
Because you know how when you get pulled over (I mean, SO I'VE HEARD FROM OTHER PEOPLE) the policeman just sorta ambles over to your car, strolling casually, like he's got all the time in the world?
What would I say? Would I tell him why my sense of urgency was justified? And if so, would he buy it and let me go? Unlikely. I guess I would just have to sit there, groaning, clenching and HOPING for no leakage.
Could you even imagine?! I would be the talk of the thirteenth precinct that night, that's for sure.
"Hey guys, gather round. Now I know we've all heard some good ones, but have I got a DOOZY for you! Today, when I pulled this gal over, you will NEVER BELIEVE the excuse she gave me."
When you're shifting into third and your pants are full of turd...
So all these thoughts were furiously racing through my head as my belly grumbled and I continued my frenetic quest to stave off the seepage.
(The website, by the way? LIES. It describes the process as "gentle elimination". Let me be the first to tell you that there's nothing *gentle* about it.)
Thankfully, though, all's well that ends well.
I made it back to the Trenches. Without being pulled over. Safe and sound
When you're driving to your home and your pants are full of foam...