Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Queen of Toilet Paper



There's really no delicate way to discuss this...so here goes:

Butt wiping.

When do kids wipe their own butts?

Because my 3 year old? Sits on the pot and yells at the top of his lungs, "I'M DOOOOOOOONE. COME WIPE MY BUHHHH-HUTT!" (yep, the word butt is always at least 2 syllables when he screams it.)

Yeah. Lucky me.

The thought never entered my head to have him attempt this feat on his own. That would be a poop nightmare of prolific proportions, I would imagine. Ummm..."chocolate" covered hands, fingers and/or walls is not my idea of fun. Thus the habit of dropping the bon-bons everything I'm doing at any given moment as if Middle were the Unruly Dictator and I the Lowly Servant merely put on this earth to go running to him as he's perched on his throne, arm outstretched, toilet paper in hand, whenever he beckons.

Then we went on vacation. And I observed my friend's tactic. She had her 3 year old wiping 3 times and then calling for mommy or daddy (preferably daddy, of course. She's no dummy.) to come and "inspect".

[Sarah slaps hand to her head and exclaims, "Now why didn't I think of that?"]

Besides the fact that Middle's preschool teacher probably wouldn't appreciate his shrieking voice commanding her to "COME WIPE MY BUHH-HUT", I now feel less like a freakin chambermaid.

I'm definitely still the Lowly Servant of the Trenches though.

But really, fellow mommies, aren't we all?

33 comments:

T with Honey said...

Hi. My name is T and I am a fellow butt wiper. My goal this evening will be to graduate to the roll of butt inspector.

Thank you for wonderful tip!

Blog Antagonist said...

My son is ten. Obviously, he has been wiping (or not wiping, I should say) his own butt for quite some time. But...it was much nicer when I was wiping it myself. Don't rush it. Believe me you'll regret it!!

WI Mommy said...

I WISH I had your problem - my 3 yr old isn't getting the hang of pooping on the potty quite yet. I'll gladly wipe his butt once he starts depositing the poop somewhere other than in his pull-up.

Judy said...

I teach pre-k and I wipe plenty of butts. It is the age. They can't see what they are doing back there, and then there's the whole fear of getting it on your hands.

My son was 4.5/5 before he wiped himself, and like Blog Antagonist said, be careful for what you wish for. Things get worse before they get better!

adymommy said...

Thanks for the great idea! I am the butt wiper of a 4 year old. She will bend down and touch her toes(butt facing the door-of course) and yell "MOM I'M READY" Every time I open the door to full moon.

Pinks & Blues said...

Oh Sarah! I love your friend's system. So ironic b/c today William went to the YMCA with Matt. He stayed in the daycare while Matt was doing his thing in the gym... he was 15 minutes into his biking when he saw the daycare woman come in and flag him down. She said, good news is that William went to the bathroom on his own... only thing is, he got completely naked and didn't want to wipe (they don't wipe and change diapers)... so now our next step, learn to dress after pee and poo - OH! And learn to wipe!!
- Audrey
Pinks & Blues

BOSSY said...

This brings to mind that old reference to the Queen's English: Can you OR are you able?

In the case of wiping one's own ass, there is a distinction.

my minivan is faster than yours said...

No one in our house is potty trained yet, and for the most part I mean that literally.

My 23 month old thinks it's great when I'm wiping her during a diaper change to grab a wipe and help. Wouldn't be so bad if she didn't try to put it in her mouth after.

I know it's gross. But I didn't start this conversation, I'm just trying to add something to it :)

slouching mom said...

We have this exact problem chez Slouching Mom.

We've just started the inspecting bit too.

J. hates it. He likes the old way better. ;)

Alex Elliot said...

Your friend's system sounds like a good one!

painted maypole said...

now at 4.5 MQ knows to wipe until she doesn't see any more brown. I'm glad to not be hollered for anymore. But... and this may be more than you want to know, her bowel movements have always been rather firm, and therefore leaving less of a....erm....trail behind.

pinks & blues girls said...

If someone could invent a self-wiping system, they would make a whole lotta money. And I'm not talking about just for kids. My husband needs one, too. I'm tired of him calling me to come wipe his butt. :)

Jane, P&B Girls

Blue Momma said...

Not only does mine not wipe his butt - or even try to - but he won't pull his pants up or down.

If you don't do it for him he'll stand in front of the toilet and pee in his pants. So. Much. Fun.

Houses, Couches and Babies said...

Your friend's idea is brilliant. I know someone that has 2 kids in grades higher than kindergarten that still wipes their tushies...and yes, it seems a bit excessive. But I am glad you have this blog entry written down to save for all posterity. This story is going to make you laugh even more in 5 or 10 years than it does now!

Jennifer aka Binky Bitch said...

Great idea to store for future use. Ahh, the joys of motherhood.

Elaine said...

The little girl I take care of is five and just recently stopped asking me to "inspect" when she was finished. She would do her business, clean up as best as possible, then run and find me, no matter where I was in the house, pants around ankles. She would then bend over and say "is it all off?" Classic.

I can't pinpoint when exactly this stopped and she trusted herself to get the job done. It'll happen!!

You're too funny!!

kristi said...

YUCK, I am eating lunch now! LOL. My almost 6 year old still doesn't wipe. He is mildly autistic though. He can wipe, he just doesn't choose to.

Heather said...

I think I can see the light at the end of my butt wiping tunnel

Angela said...

I am keeping that idea stored away for further use

JustMe said...

Laughing. Lots. Cuz your story sounds just like my life! My youngest boy is 3 1/2, and we get the "call to duty" every time he goes #2 also. Sometimes we hear him, but don't really know what he's yelling about, and then like a half hour later, we realize he's sitting on the pot waiting for someone to come wipe him. (Hmmm... so THIS is how I get him to sit still!). Anyways, good luck with your endeavor. May the clean butt gods be with you.

suburbancorrespondent said...

This whole discussion would have so sickened me before I became a mother. And you don't want to know how old mine are before they are totally butt-wiping independent. You really don't want to know.

Jenn said...

Yes, Servants are all of us.

Butt wiping not necessarily the lowest job on the totem pole.

Michelle said...

If it makes you feel any better, my 12-year-old still has 'track marks' in her underpants. Clearly, she got this wonderful trait from her father. Maybe I should warn her about an inspection and she might take her hygiene a little more seriously.

WhyMommy said...

A great tip. Awesome. It's amazing how a little change in language makes a difference!

CakeHead said...

Oh good. It pleases me to see that I am not the only butt wiper around here. My son's fourth birthday is next week and I know a lot of his peers wipe their own hineys. But it just doesn't seem like he has the coordination for it yet. I mean, we are just now starting to have normal poop cycles (vs the let's go eensy bits ten times a day cycle), so I guess I might consider actually graduating to the roll (HA!)of "inspector" soon.

Swistle said...

This is one of my least favorite parenting issues. I have an 8-year-old and a 6-year-old and they both do their own wiping, although the 6-year-old occasionally (once every couple of weeks, maybe) has an issue and needs help. I don't remember when I taught them to do it, and I know the reason I don't remember is that I blocked out the whole hideous time of life. I HATE teaching it. I HATE the "training errors." I hate the way I REACT to the training errors. And I am DREADING the twins' potty training years.

Tinamtl said...

Brillance!

;0)

I recently joined the Kooshies wipes club. You know - those wet wipes you can FLUSHHH.
They are a great invention for kids to wipe their own butts.

But alas. We are an almost vegetarian family here and the fiber runs high. (need I say more)...so a little help is often necessary.

Tinamtl said...

Brillance!

;0)

I recently joined the Kooshies wipes club. You know - those wet wipes you can FLUSHHH.
They are a great invention for kids to wipe their own butts.

But alas. We are an almost vegetarian family here and the fiber runs high. (need I say more)...so a little help is often necessary.

JenLo said...

Something about kids makes them want their moms to wipe them forever. I finally put my foot down around kindergarten. I figured it'd be embarrassing for him to ask the teacher to do it for him. Mind you, the results aren't as, um, satisfactory as when I did it myself, but he has his lifetime to get better at it. Just insist he wash his hands afterward *ahem*. He'll need to.

Shauna Loves Chocolate said...

Nicholas used to do this too. So I started doing inspections. But then it was just a way for him to get attention. He's on his own for butt wiping now. He's fine as long as we have flushable wipes. If we're out and it's TP... then it gets stuck in his butt cheeks.

Smiling Mom said...

What a great idea!! I'm officially instituting that policy in my house! Thank you!

By the way, I love love the look of your site! nice job.

Jen M. said...

I can't believe I didn't read this one! My second born would do the same - except it was "Mama? Wipe my blom-blom?" Verry weird, if you ask me.

Cherann said...

My husband used to have his mother do this for him too. I think he used to say "Mommy come wipe" . He left out the butt part.
Needless to say, I've taken over the duty as his wife...so, I'm not so sure when they do start wiping for themselves.

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