Friday, February 13, 2015

Movie-Induced Narcolepsy...It's a Thing

We all have our crosses to bear.  But this, this affliction that I have, well, it's kinda embarrassing.

You guys, I fall asleep during the movies.

At home, this behavior is much more acceptable, if not actually expected, after almost 16 years of marriage.   1.  Hubby puts a movie on.  2.  I fall asleep.  3.  He wakes me up after the movie is over to go to bed.  Lather, rinse, repeat.

As a matter of fact, it ONLY used to happen in the privacy of my home.  Which was totally fine.  But then, it started carrying over into the public realm.

I'd take the boys to see a kids' movie  (See:  Rio 2; Mr. Peabody and Sherman; Despicable Me 2) and I would fall asleep.  This was harmful to no one, especially if it was a 3D movie.  Score!  I could hide my closed eyes behind glasses.  And then I'd fudge my answers to any questions the boys would ask afterwards about the movie.  "I'm not sure what my favorite part was--what was YOUR favorite part?  Oh yeah!  That was totally mine too!"

But now?

It keeps happening.

I mean, it's not like I TRY to fall asleep.  As a matter of fact, it's just the opposite.  I drink Red Bull beforehand.  I sit upright.  I try not to blink my eyes.  But soon, the inevitable happens.  My eyes get heavier and heavier.  I feel myself start to slink lower and lower in my seat.  My blinks become longer and longer...

...and then I get a quick elbow in the side, alerting me to the fact that I've succumbed to the sweet sweet release of some zzzzzzzzzzzzzs and may or may not actually be snoring.  Out loud.  In a public theatre.

Now one would think that it would depend on what type of movie I was watching.  One would be wrong.

I've fallen asleep during comedies.  See:  The Heat--the hilarious comedy with Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy.  (I was told that I randomly woke up and laughed during it.)

I've fallen asleep during dramas.  See:  The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo.  (This one shouldn't be held against me though!  The entire movie was dark and dreary and rainy.)

I've even fallen asleep during suspenseful movies.  See:  Gone Girl.   See also:  Elbow jabbed in side for snoring. (I blame the theatre for this one.  Recliners?  I was doomed from the start!)

Luckily, I have good friends who humor my affliction.  They know there's a darn good chance I won't make it through a movie to discuss plot points or character development.  But I am a warm body if they don't want to head to a show alone.  One of my friends likens me to "Weekend at Bernie's."

So, all this is to say that I'm about to head out to the theatre tonight.

To totally reinforce the media's stereotype of the silly suburban mother, I'm seeing 50 Shades of Grey with an entire gaggle of women.  The show starts at 10:10pm. 

Here's hoping Christian Grey's twitchy palms can keep me awake and seductively biting my bottom lip.

(I'm cautiously optimistic.)

Laters, baby.

1 comment:

Classy Fab Sarah said...

I can stay awake for a movie, but I cannot read anymore. As soon as the pages are open, my eyes are closed. SO ANNOYING.

Curious to hear what you thought of 50 Shades. I've heard all kinds of reviews.


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