Friday, September 05, 2014

So You Think You Can Do a 3-Day Juice Cleanse...

Day 1:

I wake up feeling bloated and gross, most likely from a Chinese food binge the evening before. Ahem.

I have 6 juices to drink, spread throughout my day.  The juices are numbered, so there's absolutely no thought involved whatsoever.  I take the first four to work with me.

I'm cranky, knowing that I won't be having any of my (beloved) Coke Zero to get me through the next three days.  I dramatically ponder whether I will even remember how to chew after drinking liquids for so long.  Nonetheless, I'm motivated to do this 3-day juice cleanse with success.

I realize, right around lunchtime, that it's probably not the best idea to peruse Pinterest for meal ideas.  I'm starting to get a dull achy headache, which I was expecting.  Surprisingly, I'm not that hungry, and damn, I feel like I'm constantly drinking a juice.  Right when I finish one, it's time for another!

I've never peed so much in my life, except for when I was 9 months preggo.  (Note to self:  don't wear Spanx while juicing.)  

I get home from work and still have 2 more juices to go.  I drink Juice #5, which happens to be a peanut butter and banana combo, while my family enjoys a nice roast from the crockpot, along with orzo, corn and bread.  I'm proud of myself for not sampling even a grain of orzo.  No food touches my lips as I hold in the tears.

I call it a day before 9pm.  If I don't go to bed, I'm worried all go all Hulk-smash/Cookie Monster in the kitchen.  Yeah, it's just safer to go to bed.

Day 2:

The first thing I do is weigh myself.  I'm down 3.4 pounds from yesterday.  Yes, I'm fully aware that it's just water weight, but psychologically, it helps.

I still have a dull headache.

Today I don't feel like I'm constantly drinking.  As a matter of fact, I find myself watching the clock, checking to see when it's time for the next one.

I'm also starting to think about Friday.  What happens when the cleanse is over?  How am I going to stay on track with this and not allow myself to go backwards?  Ugh.

I can feel my resolve start to waiver as my co-worker carries a piping hot pizza to her office.  I can smell that shit and it smells phenomenal.  *sigh*  2 more juices to go while I'm here at the office.  Is it too much to hope that my next juice will instead be a solid block of chocolate?  Or Doritos?

Later in the afternoon, as I walk by a candy dish on someone's desk, I have to will my arm not to reach out and grab a Milky Way bite.  They're so teeny tiny.  Surely one can't hurt?  But I resist.

It's 3pm.  I'm officially halfway done with this.  I have downed 9 juices, with 9 more to go between the rest of today and tomorrow.  I mean, I *should* feel somewhat victorious, in an "I CAN DO THIS" fist-pump sort of way, but alas, my stomach is rumbling, my head aches, and I feel light-headed.

Dinnertime before football and baseball practices.  Thankfully all the boyz had already eaten before I got home from work.  But then my loving husband decides to make himself some bacon.  OMG the smell.  Thanks, dear.

At 6:00, I'm done with my cardio workout.  I do 2.65 miles in 31 minutes.  

After my run/walk (ralk? rulk?), it's time for Juice #5, which tonight is a surprisingly refreshing Island Coconut made with coconut meat and water, date and cinnamon.  I mean, it's no steak, but it will do.

After everyone gets home from their respective practices, I realize I haven't yet drank my final juice of the day.  Dare I say I'm not even hungry?  I force myself to drink Juice #6 at 8pm while everyone else is enjoying ice cream.  The bastards.

Bed at 9pm.

Day 3:

I'm officially down a total of 6 pounds.  With one more day to go.  I actually feel like I can do this and get through the day.  I'm telecommuting, so will be home all day.  I decide to forgo my usual routine of grocery shopping during lunchtime.  NO WAY.

I guess I should really start thinking about how I'll re-introduce solid food to myself tomorrow...

The headache is still ever-present, but dull.  Oh, and my stomach gurgles lulled me to sleep last night.

By 1pm I am done with 3 of the 6 juices.  Today is pretty hard.  The bag of chips on top of my refrigerator beckons me with its salty crunchy goodness.   I ignore it, even though I really just want to do this:

At 5pm I start to think about Juice #5.  We have an Open House at the boys' middle school for Eldest and Middle, so I will actually have to socialize with people.  Even in my crabby state.  I think I can, I think I can...

I do some research on eating after juicing, and set a plan for myself that tomorrow I will try to just eat raw fruits and vegetables during the day. 

Bedtime is at 10pm.  I actually retire without drinking my final juice of the cleanse.  Instead, I save it for the morning.

And with that, the CLEANSE IS OVER!


I end up down a total of 7.4 pounds overall.  I feel proud of myself that I stuck with it for all 3 days without even cheating once.  Not so much as even a stick of gum or a mint, people.  It was tough, but I did it!

My belly is less bloated.  My face looks a little thinner.  I'm now motivated to keep those numbers on the scale dropping.

Worth it?  Yes.

[If you're interested, this is the juice cleanse I did.  I have a 15% off coupon if you're interested.  This is NOT a sponsored post.]


Katie said...

hmm...condidering trying it. what's the coupon code please!

amanda said...

first i am so proud of you.

second you made me giggle.

i needed a giggle so thanks :)

Classy Fab Sarah said...

I literally don't think I could do it. I would faint at work!


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