Friday, November 22, 2013

Snore

We have an *issue* in the Trenches.  A noise issue.  A nighttime noise issue.  One I'm sure that many couples have.

SNORING.


He snores like an animal.  He complains that I snore as well. (I so don't.)

I (lovingly, of course) push and shove and kick him to stop.  It rarely works.

I get up ANGRY.  He wakes up sore where I've (lovingly, of course) nudged him.

So I wrote this song.

Ok, I didn't.  Katy Perry wrote it.  It's "Roar".

Except this is my version.  Called "Snore". 


THEN (early in the marriage):
You used to hide your snore and hold your breath
Scared to wake me up and make me mad
So you lay quietly
Breathing nicely

I guess that you forgot you had a choice
You let me hush you at the snoring point
My rule was no snoring
So you exhaled lightly

NOW:
I hold your nose
But you push through
Already brushing off my hand
I hear your snort, I hear that sound
Like thunder gonna shake the ground
I punch your arm, but you don't wake
I'm mad because you're on your back
You don't hear me yell, you don't hear yourself

You've got the breath of a dragon, annoying
Snoring through my elbowing
Cause you are a snorer, and I'm gonna hear you snore
 Louder, louder than a lion
Cause you are a snorer, and I'm gonna hear you snore

Now I'm angry like a wild boar
Swearing like a fiend I cover my ears
I went from asleep to wanting to weep

I push your back, but you snore more
Already brushing off my hand
I hear your throat, I hear that sound
Like thunder gonna shake the ground
I kick your legs, but you move over
Get ready cause I've had enough
I grab my earplugs, I insert them now

You've got the breath of a dragon, annoying
Snoring through my elbowing
Cause you are a snorer, and I'm gonna hear you snore
 Louder, louder than a lion
Cause you are a snorer, and I'm gonna hear you snore




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