Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Long Time, No Blog

This here blogging thing is a double-edged sword, you see.

On the one hand, YAY! PEOPLE ARE READING!

On the other hand, CRAP.  PEOPLE ARE READING.

Way back in the way back, when I first started this site, I spent six months keeping it a secret.  Just writing to my heart's content.  Drivel, mostly.  The day-to-day goings on of being a part-time working mom and juggling three little boyzVenting.  Keeping a record of the boyz' milestones and silliness.

Eventually, mostly from me reading and commenting on other blogs, I grew my readership.  And made real-life friends in the process.  And soon enough, I told others about my little place on the 'net.  Hubby, my family, my friends.

And don't get me wrong, I like the attention I receive from my blog.  I like getting comments on my post.  I like people telling me they're reading.  I like going to blog conferences and women actually knowing my blog.  I like working with companies and brands.  I like getting chosen by PR firms for cool opportunities. 

I have built this space and made it what it is today.  It's mine.  My own little chaotic spot (picture a slightly stained loveseat with cute pillows and sprinkled with cookie crumbs, and a coffee table next to it with a wine glass and an open bottle of pinot). 

Except notsomuch really.  These days, it's not really a place where I can be totally honest, totally forthcoming, and totally open. Much like my real-life Trenches that are surface-clean, my blog writing at In the Trenches of Mommyhood is surface-level.  Because of my readership.

Most days, it's fine.  I've accepted the fact that a lot of people in my day-to-day life read my words.  So I try to keep it light, and I've always tried to keep it relatable.

Other days, I feel constipated.  Bound up.  Choking on words and emotions that can't be expressed (at least on here, anyways.)

The month of May has pretty much been like that.

I just feel like I need you to know.


Classy Fab Sarah said...

Girl, I SO feel you! I told a select few BFFs about my blog, gradually others have found out about it... and now, in the midst of one of the most dramatic "fights" of my life... the person I'm fighting with reads my blog. It stinks, and my blog is usually my outlet for working through these things.

Haha, projecting much?

Hope you're hanging in there. Feel free to vent to me anytime, I'm an awesome vent-ee.

jayna said...

Yes. Yes, yes, yes. One by one, all of the people in my "real life" have found their way to my blog. Gone are the days of pouring my heart out and not worrying a bit about how what I said was going to come across to them. I miss those days. The filter that has to be on seems to come along holding hands with writers block.

So, yep, I feel you.


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