This here blogging thing is a double-edged sword, you see.
On the one hand, YAY! PEOPLE ARE READING!
On the other hand, CRAP. PEOPLE ARE READING.
Way back in the way back, when I first started this site, I spent six months keeping it a secret. Just writing to my heart's content. Drivel, mostly. The day-to-day goings on of being a part-time working mom and juggling three little boyz. Venting. Keeping a record of the boyz' milestones and silliness.
Eventually, mostly from me reading and commenting on other blogs, I grew my readership. And made real-life friends in the process. And soon enough, I told others about my little place on the 'net. Hubby, my family, my friends.
And don't get me wrong, I like the attention I receive from my blog. I like getting comments on my post. I like people telling me they're reading. I like going to blog conferences and women actually knowing my blog. I like working with companies and brands. I like getting chosen by PR firms for cool opportunities.
I have built this space and made it what it is today. It's mine. My own little chaotic spot (picture a slightly stained loveseat with cute pillows and sprinkled with cookie crumbs, and a coffee table next to it with a wine glass and an open bottle of pinot).
Except notsomuch really. These days, it's not really a place where I can be totally honest, totally forthcoming, and totally open. Much like my real-life Trenches that are surface-clean, my blog writing at In the Trenches of Mommyhood is surface-level. Because of my readership.
Most days, it's fine. I've accepted the fact that a lot of people in my day-to-day life read my words. So I try to keep it light, and I've always tried to keep it relatable.
Other days, I feel constipated. Bound up. Choking on words and emotions that can't be expressed (at least on here, anyways.)
The month of May has pretty much been like that.
I just feel like I need you to know.