Thursday, May 03, 2012

What Moms REALLY Want For Mother's Day

Dear PR Reps, Major Companies, Small Business Owners, Ad Agencies, and Families:

Please allow me to speak for mothers everywhere as our once-a-year holiday approaches.  I have some valuable tips for you when it comes to promoting, selling or buying gifts for that special mother in your life.

  • An At Home Spa Experience Gift Set  is an oxymoron. The word "spa" conjures up images of tranquility and relaxation, while "at home" conjures up images of chaos and noise.  Moms don't want a bag of pedicure products, lotions, bath bubbles or body mists that they have to apply on themselves AT HOME behind a locked door with a child knocking on the other side.  No.  Just no.  Buy us a spa gift certificate instead.
  • Books.  Unless you have a Mom in your life that actually shows you exactly what book she wants you to purchase for her, I would advise you to just not go there.  Self-help books = What, you think something's wrong with me?  Cookbooks?  Great, so I can do more cooking for this family.  (See also:  purchase of cookware as a Mother's Day gift.)
  • Moms are not really looking for a chance to "travel to worldwide locales without leaving the house". Again, oxymoron.  Traveling does, in fact, require that one does leave the house.  So please don't buy us note cards, notebooks or magnets featuring fashionable cities like London, Paris and New York that we can just stare at and feel bitter about.  Because you know what?  Moms actually like to leave the house. So buy us an actual trip instead.
  • Something that is advertised as a "quality bargain"?  Skip it, please.  We'd like to think that we are worth more than a bargain basement sale purchased on the morning of Mother's Day.  Thanks.
  • Gardening supplies, plants, or gah...a birdfeeder?  Another NO.  
  • Candles.  While candles are decorative and aromatic, candles are also pretty commonplace.  I mean, us Moms could pick up a nice-smelling candle at the grocery store these days.  A candle shows weak effort. 
But please don't be discouraged!  I'm not only here to tell you what NOT to buy, I am here to offer some good suggestions for what you should promote, sell, advertise and buy for Mother's Day:

  • Painless waxing.  Because what Mom wouldn't want to be relaxed while having hair yanked out of her body?  It's time out of the house!  Alone!  And to add relaxation to the mix while simultaneously becoming sleek and smooth?  Sign me up!
  • Nail polish that doesn't chip.  Look, our time is valuable.  Nothing irks a woman more than walking out of the nail salon, grabbing her car keys, and instantly smudging a nail.  Or finding the time at home to paint her nails herself (much more likely, this) and then moving on to another task and instantly smudging a nail.  Why has this not been invented yet??? 
  • An entire meal that the Mom doesn't have to think about, plan for, buy for, cook for, or clean for.
  • A housecleaner.  The End. 
And while I know that all other mothers and I will be eagerly anticipating our special day with visions of family harmony / alone time / no cooking / no cleaning/ thoughtful gifts, please know that whatever we do receive on Mother's Day will be loved by us.  Because it is coming from the people we love.

Even if it is just a mostly-inedible breakfast in bed with burned toast and a homemade card from our children with spelling errors.

Especially if it is that.

Sincerely,
Sarah and All Moms Everywhere


8 comments:

MommaKiss said...

I am SO with you. I got my own housecleaner 2 months ago. Best gift ever. And I need a spa day and then a hotel room, all to myself. Nothing worse than having a relaxing 2-4 hours at a spa then coming home to the chaos.

Beth H said...

I got a candle for mothers day a few years ago.

The kids weren't even involved in it.

He's not heard the end of that!

Jennifer said...

Exactly. All of this.

Of you know, just to be with my kids and have them listen and do what they're told without any nagging or complaint as soon as they are told. That would be heavenly.

chrissyrudd said...

Yes, great post! I'm partial to framed pictures. I'm not very crafty and decoration challenged, so if someone does it for me, that's great!

Rita/Fighting off Frumpy said...

AMEN! Although honestly ... I'd be thrilled with anything for my garden, OR cookware ... but I'm just weird like that.

The house cleaner? BRILLIANT.

amanda said...

i used to think i would never want/need a housecleaner. i am over it. bring it.

Kerry said...

I vote housecleaner! I got one for the first time a few weeks ago to help me give the house a good spring clean before a party. What a gift! It freed up my weekend and I'd love that luxury more often. Visiting from SITS.

Foster Adoption said...

I was just saying to my daughter that I wished we had enough money to have a house keeper and a grounds keeper and she said "I wish we had enough money to pay our bills". Truth.

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