Thursday, March 15, 2012

Are You Victoria's Secret Bathing Suit Ready? The 2012 Edition

*clap clap*  Attention ladies!  We have had an usually warm winter here in the Northeast.  I even saw a robin this week!  And with the onset of spring (and fingers crossed for NO.MORE.SNOW) (and with that I just jinxed all of us...), you know what that means, right?

Why, it's time to start thinking about bathing suit season, of course!

Luckily, we always have the ever-so-helpful Victoria's Secret at our disposal.  Because their swimsuits are oh-so-practical for us moms!  We should all own at least 10 of their suits.

Let's start with one-pieces, shall we?

I'm sure that metal waist piece wouldn't get hot AT ALL in the sun.  Or leave press marks.

Hmmm...I feel like we've seen a variation of this one before.  Yup. You mean they keep this in the rotation because people are ACTUALLY BUYING IT?  I think you DIY-gals could start making these yourselves with old swimsuits!  Etsy, here you come!

Moving on to bikinis...
Those metal rings serve as a perfect place to hang your keychain!  Or your beer bottle opener!

Hey!  When I build sand castles with my children, that's exactly how I sit in the sand too! 

OF COURSE you want your ass cheeks hanging out as you're frollicking on the beach with your family!

C'mon ladies, show the world your c-section scar!  But don't forget to wax!  And by wax, I mean PUBES COMPLETELY OFF.

Feeling a little modest?  No worries!  Here are some cover-up options:

The What's the Point of Wearing a Cover-up? Cover-up

The For When You Have to Leave the Beach To Go Right to Your Candy-Striping Job Cover-up

And for when you hit the topless beach?
Don't forget your macrame booty shorts!

You're welcome.

5 comments:

FourJedis said...

Oh my gosh - hilarious. I remember your post last year about this. And (embarrassingly enough), I bought a VS monokini last year... it is actually really cute... if you are standing up or laying flat. There is no in-between option for the monokini - you have to have your body in a straight line. While I'm comfy in my body, I'm also realistic, and know that none of these are what I plan on sporting this year! :)

Rebecca @ Unexplained X2 said...

Bahahahahaaaaa...or your beer opener!

I like the ruching on the ass...because otherwise, who would know there was a crack there???

Kate Hayes said...

Ugh. Why do I want to punch whoever puts this catalog together? Get real, Victoria's Secret. Who actually wears this stuff? Your take on it, however, is quite funny. Well played.

Heather said...

I am just afraid that in bathing suit #2 my fat would spill out in between the cut-outs and that would just be all kinds of ugly.

I guess I will stick with my matronly bathing suits.

Maricris @ SittingAround said...

I love the DIY idea on the second one. Now I know what to do in my
old bathing suit in my closet. Lol!

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