Thursday, September 08, 2011

If You Give Sarah a Cookie...



If you give Sarah a cookie, she's going to politely decline.

She's going to say no because she's dieting.  Again.

She will instead ask for a glass of water.

If you give Sarah a glass of water, she will explain that she's quitting caffeine.

And she will then probably tell you about her Coke Zero addiction.

If you give Sarah a glass of water, she will drink it.

And will politely excuse herself to use the bathroom.

For the four-hundredth time that day.

If you give Sarah a reason to make her mad, she will probably explode.

And then will blame it on the caffeine withdrawal and hunger.


Oh, fuck it.  You know what?

Just give Sarah the damn cookie.




9 comments:

The Coupon Goddess said...

And pass me one too. With a milkshake. Because if we are going on a binge, we are going to do it right.

Jennifer said...

And a shot of coke zero.

Rebecca Jill said...

I'm related to my grandmother ... I will always have cookies and Coca-Cola (or mainly Diet Coke) available for anyone; they're a staple of Southern hospitality; well at least of her personal Savannah, Georgia Southern hospitality I grew up with in Tampa, Florida that I've now brought to Durham, North Carolina.

Rebecca M. said...

I often read your posts and wish there was a like button like there is on Facebook. You are so funny and make my day with your posts. Thanks!!

Anonymous said...

That's an awesome post! AMEN. I just got home from Target with a can of slimfast...

Tara

Rebecca @ Unexplained X2 said...

Dieting sucks, but to give up caffeine at the same time as giving up good food? I wouldn't make it.

Kim -Mommycosm said...

Love this!! Gimmee a cookie, too, dammit. Please?

Hopes@Staying Afloat! said...

DANG straight! If I'm going off the wagon, its cookies and ice cream and a glass of wine. Might as well go for the whole enchilada

Missy said...

Right there with you, having gained my 10 pounds of summer eating. AGAIN. :)

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