I mean seriously. This one totally takes the cake, or creme, as it were. I got it too. Errr...meaning, I got the same pitch, not the same ailment. Ahem.
And then this one showed up in my inbox last week. With my
"Titled: How one NYC surgeon is guaranteeing that the Royal Wedding won't eclipse Mother's Day (First of all, this stupid title makes no sense whatsoever.)
I hope this note finds you well! I represent New York City-based, board-certified plastic surgeon Dr. X who is very excited to honor mothers this Mother's Day the best way he knows how - by clearing up some of the most frustrating myths about pregnancy and post pregnancy bodies, and even gifting a non-surgical Mommy Makeover to a deserving mommy of your choosing!
With Mother's Day right around the corner, Dr. X aims to answer the questions all women have when it comes to the toll pregnancy can take on their bodies. Dr. X can answer every question about pregnancy (oh right, because he's been pregnant before?) and related body image issues, including the oft-discussed Mommy Makeover. He, along with one of his Mommy Makeover patients, is happy to discuss questions you have about the post-pregnancy body. In addition to the traditional Mommy Makeover, Dr. X is a leader in the non-surgical Mommy Makeover, which works its magic on a new mommy's face. Most new mommies wear their exhaustion on their face (where else would we wear it?) and with strategically placed injectables and stress-busting Botox, they can retain the glow of pregnancy despite the difficulty of new motherhood. (In summary, women who have just given birth look like shit. This is unacceptable and must be fixed. With needles.)
"Whether a woman opts to have plastic surgery or not is a personal decision she will make based on what's best for her and her family but year after year, I consult with countless patients who are misinformed about how pregnancy will impact their body. (Jeez, I totally thought my post-pregnant body would be tauter and slimmer!) Additionally, there are a number of myths surrounding pregnancy including what is appropriate weight gain, whether or not a woman can breast feed with breast implants, and how easily and quickly one should expect to shed her pregnancy pounds," explains Dr. X, adding that there are non-surgical steps women can take before and during pregnancy to ensure they enjoy a post pregnancy body they are proud of . (Because yes, while I was suffering from post partum depression and nursing through a bout of double mastitis with a fever bordering 104, I DEFINITELY worried about having a post pregnancy body I could "enjoy" and be "proud of".) "Women see other mothers - including supermodels like Miranda Kerr - debut stunning bodies mere weeks after giving birth. Instead of looking at a picture of a gorgeous new mommy and feel inspired by it, many women feel downright overwhelmed and often frustrated, (Hmmm, my first thought is usually, "What a bitch.") so I try to empower with the knowledge that although they aren't supermodels, they are super mommies. They have access to the same information (but not MONEY, you dumbass) as celebrities do, we just need to give it to them."
Ahhh, yes, Peggy's new twins.
As a well-respected plastic surgeon and a spokesperson for the American Society of Plastic Surgeons, Dr. X is the best source for information about how women can protect their beautiful figures through pregnancy and beyond - both surgically and non-surgically.
No Mother's Day event would be complete without a thoughtful gift, and Dr. X invites you to nominate one woman you believe deserves a non-surgical Mommy Makeover. You are welcome to nominate yourself, a reader, or even your own mother. We're taking submissions beginning now, and would be thrilled to partner with your blog to announce the winner on Mother's Day!"
So you know that friend of yours who just gave birth? The one who is still retaining water, has cankles and leaky boobs? I'm sure she'd be psyched to know you nominated her for a "Mommy Makeover" because nothing says I love you friend quite like thrusting a coupon for free Botox in her "exausted-looking" face.
Or better yet, let's not forget about your own mother - the woman who birthed you all those years ago. She's certainly getting up there in age and the wrinkles have certainly taken over. What better way to say "thank you, Mom" than letting her know that you'd LOVE for her to go under the knife. You know, because looks are totally everything.