Monday, April 25, 2011

Falling Off the Fit Wagon

It happened and I'm not proud of it.

I fell of the wagon.  HARD.

Diet and exercise?   Pshaw!  Who needs it?!

I do.  Apparently.

It all started with our child-free week.  I skipped my personal training on Monday because I didn't want to get up early.  Strike One.

Tuesday and Wednesday, I didn't exercise at all.  Strike Two.

But yet, on Wednesday, I actually fit into a pair of jeans that were previously MUCH too small.  (Like not even fitting over my hips small.)  And cockily Facebooked about it.

Thursday, I again did no exercise.   Wheeee!  Lookit me!  I can now fit into my skinny pants!  I RULE!

Friday morning, I cancelled on my trainer for the second time that week.  By Friday evening, I was mad at myself for being such a lazy ass. (I had no children at home!  I had no excuses!)  (Except, really, I did--  I truly wanted to get stuff done around the Trenches.  So I did manage to clean the boyz' bedrooms and put away their winter clothing.)  (Small victory, that.)

As a punishment to myself, I ran at the track on Friday night.  Trust me, running 3 miles around a boring track feels like at least 6 road miles.  It sucked.

And then I went home and ate a massive bowl of clam chowder and drank 2 beers while I waited for Hubby to bring the boyz home from Connecticut.

Self-sabotage, thy name is Sarah.

Saturday was dark, cold and rainy.  I had the best of intentions when we set out with the boyz for Coco Key.  I could do it.  I could turn my bad week around, right?

Except I didn't.

The entire weekend consisted of junk food, pizza, Easter candy, and fun drinks (pina coladas and daiquiris.  I not only ate my calories, I frigging drank them.  Who am I??

I felt bloated and gross all weekend.  And a little cranky too.  Falling off the wagon wasn't even feeling good.  Probably because guilt just tastes gross.

By the time we got back to the Trenches early evening on Sunday, I was miserable.  Uncomfortable in my own skin.  Impatient with the boyz and Hubby.  Feeling sorry for myself that everyone else was with their families enjoying Easter ham.  I wanted ham too, dammit!

Hubby could definitely sense my unease and tried to get me out of my head and back down to Planet Earth.  We sat together as a family and watched the VCR tapes (Hi 1999, how you doin'?) of our rehearsal dinner and wedding.  It was a sweet moment, probably the best of the entire weekend.

And then?  I put myself to bed.  At 8pm.

This morning at 5am I had to face the music.  Back to Trainer Sarah.  Back on the scale.  And back up 4 POUNDS.

So here I am.  Feeling defeated, but resolute.  I can't look back.  Only forward.  I know what I need to do.  The problem is in the execution of it.  Especially when leftover Easter candy in the form of M&Ms is involved.

I probably don't just need a personal trainer, but a therapist as well.

To figure out why I sabotage myself.  To figure out why I justify it at the time I'm doing it.  (I liken it to having a skinny angel on one shoulder and a fat devil on the other shoulder.  That fat bastard bodyslams that poor skinny angel and wins just about every time.)

And most importantly, to figure out how to stop myself from myself.

Oh please tell me I'm not the only one with this struggle.

I can only wish that were me.


Heidi said...

I had the same week! Didn't exercise didn't really pay to much attention to what I ate. Now I feel ....well just bleh.
Gotta get back on track and get the easter candy out of the house!

Mama Goose said...

You are most assuredly NOT alone. Once I lose a few pounds... once one person says "hey, you look great"... once I can pull those pants over my hips AND button them up...? Yeah. I immediately head for the fridge. WTF is up with that? Oh, and the Easter Bunny? I'm setting a damn trap for that bastard next year.

If you figure it out, please, please, please share it with us? I should be old enough to know better by now... sigh

Rita Templeton said...

I am the SAME WAY. I can be doing great, and then - BAM. One slipup leads to a whole binge! I have this "I already blew it, I might as well go all out" mentality that kills me. (Probably literally!)

If you figure it out, let me know ...

justme said...

the main thing to focus on is that you went back to the trainer, the second thing is you felt like crap after all that crap - i believe that you need to go back there, b/c next time the opportunities arise, think of how crappy you felt. it has to be a lifestlye, not something you do for a while and stop. but in life things go up and down, bumps in the road. so you hit a bump, now back on the road you want to be on.

Jennifer said...

NO you aren't! I've been justifying with myself for two weeks. I feel horrible. I was doing so good (even though I'm no where near as close to my goal as you are), and then WHAM! I let some stress and busyness completely derail me from being healthy. I am also considering the need of therapy. I don't get why I'm like this, but I don't like it.

Charlene (@CharChronicles) said...

I think the key is to always build in cheat days. That way you don't fall hard. Don't be hard on yourself. You need those times to chill, to be, to not run around. That four pounds will come off faster this time, but again, build in those cheat days/rest days. But next time you have a moment like this, book a massage, mani-pedi instead of the beer and candy. That way you will look fabulous all around. :)

Evolving Mommy Catherine said...

I went to my parents house for Easter breakfast and weighed myself while I was there. Um, yeah let's just say this booty is getting back in gear stat!

Making It Work Mom said...

Boo to 4lbs!!!
I think for me it is all about routine. I can let any itty bitty shift in my routine derail me for days/weeks. It is really bad.
I did restart my couch to 5K after derailing because of the stomach flu. And yes I did get up at 5AM to do it which was a whole different routine for me. And not only would I be fat, but I would be a fat liar if I said that any part of me enjoyed being up at 5AM to RUN. But I plan on doing it again tomorrow.
At this point all you can do is start your routine over - can't worry about what you ate or did not do yesterday.
Oh and the bowl of clam chowder and a beer in a quiet house was worth it- just saying...

Anonymous said...

You aren't alone, for sure. It happens to the best of us. Don't they always say that the first step is admitting you have a problem?

Jules said...

You need to go visit, she has the perfect solution for those devilish m&ms.....just force feed them to your kids LOL!!!

MommaKiss said...

4 lbs. I bet most was water. Just look ahead! You can do it!!

amanda said...

i have been thinking about this post ever since monday and how to respond. my response is long. and complicated. so i will leave it with you are not alone. not even a little bit.

amanda said...

oh and i am proud of you.


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