You guys. I get a fair amount of "offers" through my blog on a daily basis. But this one, right here below? WINS. My own comments are in italics. But the rest of it? Word for word, dudes.
Hope all is well. I’m contacting you today, on behalf of [BRAND], to share a really fun and exciting interactive video that your readers will love! This is a chance for them to choose their own adventure and pick the outcome of the video. (What are we, 8 years old?) If they choose the correct path, there’s a coupon at the end for them! (Jumping up and down clapping hands...Oh goody goody! A coupon! A whole coupon! Which, by the way, you need to install a COUPON PRINTER first so I'm not even sure how much the coupon is worth because I didn't do it! How many bet it's a dollar off? Or even a mere 50 cents off?)
Please share this funny video with your audience. Your mom readers, who juggle the demands of everyday life and need quick and easy snacks, will truly appreciate this video and coupon. (You know, most people appreciate their families and their health. But YOU, my readers will TRULY appreciate a coupon! That requires you to install a COUPON PRINTER PROGRAM beforehand!)
You can also connect with and/or find additional details about [BRAND] by following the links below. [BRAND] is America’s #1 brand, and perfect for meals, snacks, appetizers, parties, or any on-the-go occasion.
Thank you for your time! (Great. I'm never going to get those 2 minutes back that I wasted reading this.)
If you have any questions regarding the video, feel free to contact me, and I’ll be happy to assist you. Additionally, if you share these exciting details with your audience via your site, Facebook page, and/or Twitter profile, that would be fantastic if you could send me the post URL." (Sure, I would loooove to share your "exciting details" with my readers. Right after I scrape my eyeballs with sandpaper and sit on some fire ants, that is.)
(Oh wait...I just did.)
(And you guys? Here's the kicker:
The offer was for CORN DOGS! Yes. Corn. Dogs.)