With a tremendous capacity for guilt.
I certainly have never subscribed to any of the debates between WAHMs, SAHMs, or Moms who work outside of their Trenches.
Again, the fact of the matter is that we're all MOMS. Just doing the best we possibly can, for ourselves and for our families.
However.
Since I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself today (feeling crappy as a mother; feeling crappy as an employee), I do believe that there's one point to being a mother who works away from home that often gets overlooked, and that is:
THE SICK CHILD FACTOR
This, my friends, is a huDge issue because both Hubby and I work outside the home. Our boyz are in school from 7:45 to 3:15 everyday, and we have arrangements for afterschool care each day. (Monday is the afterschool program; Tues-Thurs is a babysitter; and Fri is my mother-in-law.)
Having a sick child throws a wrench in our whole routine.
Who has meetings that day? Who has a deadline? Whose work is busier?
It feels like a pissing contest.
A pissing contest that SAHMs and WAHMs are able to avoid. While I am not. (And single moms? I utterly bow down to you.)
Yet I am the MOTHER. I should be home, snuggling with my feverish child. I should be home, mothering.
Hubby and I pretty much split the sick childcare duty 50-50. (And let me just state that we are both sososo thankful that we have jobs that are completely family-friendly and understanding. Many are not as lucky.)
But even on the days that Hubby stays home with a sick little boy, I feel guilty.
I should be home, mothering.
But then when I miss 2 or 3 days of work to stay home and mother a sick child, I feel guilty.
I should be at work, working.
Can you relate?
27 comments:
When I became a WAHM nearly five years ago, I must admit that not having to deal with this dilemma was a major plus. I'm sorry. I do understand. And I totally relate. I remember.
I've been there. I've worked full time, part time, from home, and not at all.
I remember the coin tosses with my husband deciding who was going to stay home with the sick kid. Who had less important meetings that day? Who could make some calls from home? Who couldn't? It sucked. And it made everything more stressful.
I get it. Hang in there. And know that there are many many people in the same boat. You're not alone.
We've been there too. And I know we have many more of those days to come. I am also grateful for an understanding and flexible employer, but I still feel loads of guilt.
I've never been there, but for sure, working moms have my utmost respect. I just spent all night up with a sick kid and had I done that knowing I had to make the choice about work this morning would have been torture. As it is, I don't have to even look at my WAHM stuff today if I don't want to (and I don't).
So yeah, respect. Major respect.
I can definitely relate. However, all of the sick child duties are on me! My boyfriend's job doesn't allow time off unexpectedly. He can't just call in to work (like I can). I work for a company that is family friendly and I work in a department where people can pick up the slack when I'm gone. he doesn't have that luxury. Sometimes I wish I could be at work, and he could stay home with the sick ones because it feels like I take off a lot! My kids don't get sick often, but because it's always me that is off with them it feels like I suck as an employee ;)
I can TOTALLY relate! I am experiencing this today. Sick kid at home, so hubby and I are splitting the day. I am at work now, and will go home at noon and he will go off to work. It is SO hard to juggle. =(
Matthew and I have been trading off taking care of sick kids for THREE WEEKS NOW. So, yeah. I hear you.
And! I have to leave early today because our babysitter's kids got sick. Sigh.
the worst feeling in the world is having to make that decision in the morning when one of my 3 boys wakes up with a fever or cough. my hubby leaves at 3am in the morning so I am usually stuck home caring for a sick child. The most guilt I've ever felt was when I was desparate and told my son to go to school and stick it out in the morning and at lunch to go to the nurse. I had a really important morning meeting that I could not miss. I felt horrible but I was desparate...that's the best way to explain it...sometimes in these situations, I'm so desparate.
I always read but never comment (sorry!) I'm not a mom though, but I was the child of divorced working parents. I know things were different then (I think it's 24 hr fever free, right?) but we were only allowed to stay home from school if we had an actual fever. (Cough, tired, throat, headache - not good enough!). My Grandmom would come stay with us for the day/we'd go to her house. Mom would leave a can of chicken noodle soup out for us for lunch. Neither of my parents had jobs that they could easily take off from work, so that's just 'the way it is'. My whole point on commenting is that you are harder on yourself than your kids are. I'm sure your babies understand that you need to do what you need to do, work. My parents were so fortunate that my Gram could watch us, otherwise, it would have been really hard for them. Luckily, we were not sick often. Hopefully your guy gets better soon!
You took the words right out of my mouth. I struggle with the mommy guilt all the time. It's kind of an unwritten rule that I'll stay home with the kids when they're sick. They just want their mommy. If it's going to longer than a couple of days then Dad (or Auntie and the grandparents) jump in. Working and being a mom is a constant struggle for me.
Can I relate? CAN I EVER!!!!! Just do the best you can...that is what I'm trying to remember.
I'm a SAHM but often wonder how some lower income parents who do not have that flexibility manage to keep their jobs through their children's illnesses (normal illnesses that we all run across - an extended illness would be catastrophic to a low income family for multiple reasons). I wish there was a way that we could work around this - too many kids get sent to school when they are sick because the option is to lose income for the family, and that's not really an option for some. Talk about being caught between a rock and a hard place. Glad that you guys have that flexibility though - and mommy guilt is tough but hang in there (and hope your little on is feeling better)!
right. yeah. that's my life.
I work part time and on the days that I work I have to go and take care of sick people but not my own sick kids. It kills me.
They really need to better plan their sickness so its on the days that I am off.
I feel for you. Doing the same thing today. I work in healthcare and only one other person can do my job. If he is away..I spend the whole week worrying about what I am going to do if one kid gets sick.
We have not lately had the surprise of a sick one in the morning. At night if we know that one needs to stay home we decide at night who it will be. We are very fortunate that we both get paid if we are home with a sick kid. I am able to check emails and work on projects from home. My hubs is so over his class of students these days that I am surprised he has not asked our youngest to get sick (jk of course). Wanted to point out that once the 2 older boyz got into middle school, they are big enough to stay home and have me check on them at lunch (also fortunate to work 20-25 mins from home). They only stay home if they have a fever and if so they just want to sleep and then see me at lunchtime.
--Michele R.
i can't relate. i can't imagine.
i am just sorry. which i know doesn't help.
it makes my heart hurt just thinking how it must feel.
where is the damn easy button.
Oh, the guilt - about the kids when you're in work, about work when you stay home. There is no win here! Last week hubby and I split the sick kid duty and each took off a day, and my sister took the baby for 2 more. I just feel so lucky that I have family close-by to rely on. And boy, do I rely on them! Hope health comes to you and yours soon.
I'm with you. My husband helps 50/50. However. As the Momma, it's like up to us to figure it all out. And hold that Mom Guilt. Which I have a TON of right now. Working so much, I have missed bedtime this entire week.
Hope everyone feels better soon, including you, Momma.
Work or home or anything...it's always mommy guilt.
About everything.
Welcome to the club of motherhood, right?
So freaking hard, but you hit the nail on the head...how in the world do single Moms function??? I was raised by one who had her husband leave when we were 2, 4, and 6 and I still have no idea how she did it!
Husband and I often come up with these scenarios about what will happen when I go back to work...it ain't easy by any stretch of the imagination!
It sucks because my husband can usually always stay home if the kids are sick. He is self-employed so he obviously has that option. But I prefer to be there if they are sick so usually I end up staying home. And I honestly don't feel guilty about it. I figure that's what PTO is for....but I am a nurse so we can get float staff to cover me, not sure what you do if they depend on you for meetings, etc.
Totally relate... Just had a pissing match this morning. My husband won. He was Supeenaed to appear in court-he is in law enforcement. He wins. I (my work self) looses. :-)
I work at home and I still find this insanely stressful, especially at the end of a winter full to the brim of sick days. My baby is home and feverish and I'm just turning on the TV for her and trying to focus on my laptop when she really needs me to read to her and make her soup from scratch etc., etc.
Men do not do this to themselves. Why is that?
We are working parents with one child, and I can't even imagine our schedule with three children.
We take turns when our son is sick. Luckily, or unluckily, he has gotten sick on one of our days off usually. I've called in sick about two times in the past year for a sick kid.
I freak out about school holidays and furlough days more than sick days, because I can't call in sick for those.
Been there! Hope you get some relief of the guilt and the sick child soon.
I'm a homeschooling, SAHM of four--soon-to-be-five (oops, it was a long, cold winter)--and I periodically hear things like, "Stay at home Mom--toughest job there is." I *hate* hearing that! I'm like, "seriously"? I know it's meant respectfully, but I did the working mom thing for three months with ONE child and it was so. incredibly. hard.(I felt like every minute of my life was a choice between my child and work and I found that feeling unbearable.) I think Moms who work outside of the home have the greater challenges...and the sick kids issue is just one of the reasons. I'm so sorry you have to struggle with this! Obviously I can't offer personal experience with this as a mom, but I remember being sick when I was little and my parents trading off on the sick duty...I remember just loving the extra care when I was feeling terrible whether it came from my Dad or Mom. :) ~K
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