Thursday, December 16, 2010

Ode to My Frickin Woodstove


Oh Hot Woodstove!  Oh Hot Woodstove!
Thy heat is so suffocating;
Oh Hot Woodstove!  Oh Hot Woodstove!
Thy heat is so suffocating;
Not only stifling when the temps are mere
But also when 'tis cold and drear.
Oh Hot Woodstove! Oh Hot Woodstove!
Thy heat is so suffocating!

Oh Hot Woodstove! Oh Hot Woodstove!
Much annoyance dost thou give me;
Oh Hot Woodstove!  Oh Hot Woodstove!
Much annoyance dost thou give me;
How often has that goddamn stove
sweated me out of all my clothes;
Oh Hot Woodstove! Oh Hot Woodstove!
Much annoyance dost thou give me.

Oh Hot Woodstove! Oh Hot Woodstove!
Thy gift us with such dryness;
Oh Hot Woodstove! Oh Hot Woodstove!
Thy gift us with such dryness;
From bloody noses to itchy skin,
There's only relief at winter's end.
Oh Hot Woodstove! Oh Hot Woodstove!
Thy gift us with such dryness.

Oh Hot Woodstove! Oh Hot Woodstove!
How much I hate tending to you;
Oh Hot Woodstove! Oh Hot Woodstove!
How much I hate tending to you;
Thou requires lots of wood,
And keeping track which I'm not so good.
Oh Hot Woodstove! Oh Hot Woodstove!
How much I hate tending to you.

The End


[Disclaimer:  I know, I know.  We are lucky to have a home and heat and warmth and I KNOW.  But I do bitch about that thing constantly.  And have been known to complain to Hubby a few or ten or twenty times a week, "I'm sweating my BALLS off in here." ]

6 comments:

Green Cleaning Coach said...

Just be thankful that you don't live across the street - where my heat is set so low we all huddle in bed at 4 in the afternoon, just to get warm! I can borrow some of that heat!

thenameisbeth said...

Our house thermostat is set at a not so toasty 62. Which really means, the main rooms in the center of the house are 62. Our bedroom, a chilly 58.

We layer. A lot.

MissBrightside said...

My grandparents had a wood stove, and it was serious business. It was in a den on the other end of the house from the bedrooms and we would die sweating at night. I'm sweating now thinking about it!

Jules said...

I love when you write your own lyrics :)

Kristina said...

How about hot chocolate and a good book to read by or far from the fire rather =)

Draft Queen said...

For the dryness, you cannot go wrong with a cast iron pot full of water on top of the woodstove. Just don't forget to keep it full of the water.

Nothing doing about the oppressive heat. You could come over here though, That Guy I Married seems to be anti-using-the-brand-new-boiler-for-what-it-was-made-for.. we're totally chilly.

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