Monday, September 20, 2010

Diet Day One

An original composition by be sung to Beyonce and Lady Gaga's "Telephone" :

Hello, hello sugar
You called, I can't resist your lure
I have got no willpower
in my mind you see, see
Wha-wha-what did you say?
Oh you're bulking up on me
Sorry I cannot resist you,
I'm kinda a fatty.

K-kinda fatty
K-kinda fatty
Sorry I cannot resist good food, that's why I'm fatty.

Just a second,
It's my favorite food they're gonna serve
And I cannot eat you
without seconds and thirds.
I shoulda had a salad
cuz I know that that's fat-free.
But now I can't stop gorging
I'm kinda fatty.

Stop eatin', stop eatin'
I don't wanna be fat anymore.
I'll bust my butt and my gut on the gym floor.
Stop whining, stop whining
I'm not gonna complain anymore.
I'll leave my house and run till I can't run anymore.

Tempt all you want
But there's no way
And you're not gonna crush my willpower.
Out of the house
I'm sipping that water
And you're not gonna crush my willpower.

Boy the way I'm craving sweets
Won't make me get no skinnier.
Makes my butt more wider.
Leaves my arms more jigglier.
I shouldn't have let myself go
Cause this is a disaster!
Feeling like a loser
Sorry I cannot eat that.

Not that I don't like me
But I'm at my highest weight.
And I am sick and tired
Of my clothes not fitting.
Sometimes I feel like
I live in my big fridge.
Tonight I'm not eatin' no sweets,
Cause I'll be dietin'

Cause I'll be dietin'
Cause I'll be dietin'
Tonight I'm not drinkin' no wine, cause I'll be dietin'!


Evolving Mommy Catherine said...

Oh my gosh! Did you come up with that?! That is funny and awesome and awesomely funny!

Mrs. Fabulous said...

HA!!!! Love it! You SO funny!

Shell said...

That is hilarious.

I hate dieting and exercising... but I've been making myself do it. SIGH.

Christina - Rant Rave Roll said...

No wine!? Surely you must mean whine.

Draft Queen said...

This is fabulous.

Ann said...

hahahaha! I am laughing to save from crying because I know just how you feel!

Making It Work Mom said...

Love it! Maybe if I sing this it will inspire me to put the Oreos down.
I absolutely need inspiration to diet(I like to use lots of seasonal excuses). Nothing else has worked so the song is worth a try.

Christine said...


Rebecca said...

No wine??? That's just cruel! Love your creativity!

Manic Mommy said...

Thank you for getting All The Single Ladies out of my head. Finally. Creative genius!

Please send me some willpower. I just can't summon it and God KNOWS I need to!

Suburb Sierra said...

Really...almost a month and I missed this hysterical post? HA! Fantastic.


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