Tuesday, January 26, 2010

PPD and Me (Part Four)

Part One
Part Two
Part Three

My OB/GYN was a godsend.  I sat in her office, tears streaming from my eyes as I vented to her about all the ways in which I thought I was a bad mother.  And how I just felt so goddamned OVERWHELMED.

And she listened.  Without judgment.

At first, I was very hesitant when she suggested I begin taking an antidepressant for my postpartum.  I mean, how could I be postpartum when my Baby was already 6 months old? (Actually, symptoms can appear anytime during pregnancy and the entire first year after birth.)

And didn't the almighty (said with dripping sarcasm) Tom Cruise proclaim (regarding Brooke Shields' admission of antidepressant use) that "drugs aren't the answer.  These drugs are very dangerous. They're mind-altering, antipsychotic drugs."?

Certainly moreso then in 2005 than now, there was a stigma attached to being on an antidepressant.  It was like having a dirty little secret. 

Nonetheless, I knew, in the words of Dr. Phil, that what I was doing WASN'T WORKING FOR ME.  So I filled my presription for Celexa and went on my (un)merry way.

Well, it took about a month until I started to see the light.  And then my lows?  Were bearable.  Tolerable. 

I slowly started to feel like myself again.  More in control.  More able to handle the stresses of everyday life with 3 young children. 

LESS OVERWHELMED.

My doctor monitored me closely those first few months.  And then I was on my own.

A new me; a better me.

Which leads me to where I am today...4+ years later.

I still take my "happy pill" everyday. 

But with my Baby at 4-1/2 years old, it's safe to say I am no longer considered "postpartum", right?  So why am I still taking an antidepressant?

To be continued...

7 comments:

Kelli @ writing the waves said...

So glad that it helped you. If you ask me, I think Tom Cruise could benefit from some meds. (haha)

Serenityville said...

I still want to see more baby pictures! LOVE this one! Poor baby, doesn't know what he's gotten into. You're awesome, my drugged up friend!

Jeannie, Jane, Angel, Mommy, etc.. said...

So glad that you found some help. Mine are 2 months and 20 months and I am starting to wonder if I am getting PPD. There are times when I just want to cry all the time and feel like I am a horrid mom, but then there are other times when life is great. I have been on anti depressants before and they didn't really work other than to make me feel numb all of the time and I hated it. Thanks for taking the time to talk about this!

C H R I S T I said...

I started my antidepressent one year ago and my youngest is 3. I understand completely where you are coming from.

amanda said...

knowing now what i do and knowing as many friends who take their own happy pill - i sometimes think the happy pill should be like a part of the goodie bag when you check out of the hospital.

Melissa B. said...

Oh, goodness! Mommyhood IS a blessing, but so many challenges. I'm glad you got it all worked out. SITS sent me by, and I'm glad they did...

Mission Impossible

KK said...

Love that pic. You just keep taking it for 100 years if need be. Diabetics take meds forever, you do what you need to be wonderful "happy" you!

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