My OB/GYN was a godsend. I sat in her office, tears streaming from my eyes as I vented to her about all the ways in which I thought I was a bad mother. And how I just felt so goddamned OVERWHELMED.
And she listened. Without judgment.
At first, I was very hesitant when she suggested I begin taking an antidepressant for my postpartum. I mean, how could I be postpartum when my Baby was already 6 months old? (Actually, symptoms can appear anytime during pregnancy and the entire first year after birth.)
And didn't the almighty (said with dripping sarcasm) Tom Cruise proclaim (regarding Brooke Shields' admission of antidepressant use) that "drugs aren't the answer. These drugs are very dangerous. They're mind-altering, antipsychotic drugs."?
Certainly moreso then in 2005 than now, there was a stigma attached to being on an antidepressant. It was like having a dirty little secret.
Nonetheless, I knew, in the words of Dr. Phil, that what I was doing WASN'T WORKING FOR ME. So I filled my presription for Celexa and went on my (un)merry way.
Well, it took about a month until I started to see the light. And then my lows? Were bearable. Tolerable.
I slowly started to feel like myself again. More in control. More able to handle the stresses of everyday life with 3 young children.
My doctor monitored me closely those first few months. And then I was on my own.
A new me; a better me.
Which leads me to where I am today...4+ years later.
I still take my "happy pill" everyday.
But with my Baby at 4-1/2 years old, it's safe to say I am no longer considered "postpartum", right? So why am I still taking an antidepressant?
To be continued...