But the pull was too strong. E! lured me in. Once I flipped to the preshow and saw Ryan Seacrest's pointless banter with Blake Lively (holy usage of double-sided tape), it was all over. I had to watch.
And thus, I bring you:
(In booming announcer-voice) YOUR 2009 EMMY AWARDS RECAP!
(Not booming announcer-voice) Actually now that I think of it, it's notsomuch a recap as it is a play-by-play...
(In booming announcer-voice) YOUR 2009 EMMY AWARDS PLAY-BY-PLAY!
Who am I wearing, you ask? Why, that would be
Let the show begin!
8:01 Ahh, my first glance at Adrian Grenier. Mmmm....
8:04 Was anyone aware that Neil Patrick Harris (ok, there's no way I'm typing THAT long name all night. He shall hence be referred to as NPH.) could sing? And sing well? Oh, but now he seems a bit nervous and shaky as he's talking. Perhaps he should do his entire hosting bit in song?
8:10 Tiny Fey's outfit = her typical basic black. Meh. I don't think I've ever seen her in color.
8:14 What's smaller than a size zero? Whatever it is, that's what size Kristin Chenoweth is. She just won for Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy. Her dress is silver, sparkly and cute. And a negative size.
8:26 John Cryer wins for Best Supporting Actor/Comedy. He's wearing a nerdy vest under his tux. Oh, Ducky.
8:34 I heart JT. He's cool without even trying.
8:36 Toni Collete wins for Best Actress/Comedy. I like the color of her minimalist strapless dress (a peachy salmon). And her Aussy accent.
8:41 Leighton Meester's face looks painted. Like she's a little girl playing dress up. Wayyyy too much makeup, young lady.
8:49 Does Rob Lowe ever age?
8:52 Alec Baldwin wins for Best Actor/Comedy. He dedicates the award to Lorne Michaels. And when the camera pans out to Lorne in the audience, you can't help but notice the huDge tits on the woman sitting behind him.
8:56 A dancing segment with Max and Karina. Really?! I need some wine with all this cheddar.
8:59 Jeff Probst wins for Best Host/Reality. He looks schweaty.
9:07 Amazing Race wins for Best Reality Show. I think it has won every year since the Reality category started.
9:12 Aww...Kyra and Kevin.
(I'm officially bored. It's the Miniseries/Movie awards. I haven't seen any of the nominees in ANY of the categories. *yawn*)
9:26 Patricia Arquette's left boob is desperately attempting to escape from her dress. How is her nipple NOT showing?! Oh, and does anyone else think that the lead actress in The Vampire Diaries is totally a J. Love Hewitt clone?
9:32 This schtick with NPH is excruuuuuuuuuuuciating. And not funny. He's pretending to be an evil scientist singing blogger? I so don't get it.
9:34 Jessica Lange looks lovely but a bit Joan Rivers-esque. She's def had work done on her face. Her forehead is totally tight and wrinkle-free.
9:55 I'm admitting right here, right now, that I have NEVER seen one single episode of the Jon Stewart show (it just won).
10:02 Jimmy Kimmel just made me laugh out loud with his electronic voice and pratfall.
10:08 Ricky Gervais is cheeky. Love that Brit humour.
10:09 Shocker. Jon Stewart wins...again.
10:16 I have my DVR set to record The Good Wife starring
10:20 Benjamin Linus (Michael Emerson) wins for Best Supporting Actor/Drama. He creeps me out. Even in a tux.
10:22 The woman who played the President in 24 just won for Best Supporting Actress/Drama. She kinda looks like Meryl Streep.
10:23 Sara McLachlin is singing for the "In Memoriam" segment. The funny thing is, as soon as it started, I thought to myself, there is NO WAY they could put Michael Jackson in this. And then, yep, they do.
10:36 It makes me sad to see Michael J. Fox like that.
Note to self: Consider watching Mad Men. What's all the hype about?
Sidenote: What is it with all the men wearing nerd glasses tonight? Keifer Sutherland, Kevin Bacon, Simon Baker...
10:42 Glenn Close wins for Best Actress/Drama. She's come a long way since Fatal Attraction.
10:49 Oh, Malcom's dad from Malcolm in the Middle just won.
10:52 Bob Newhart just referenced Halle Barry kissing Adrian Brody at the Oscars. Uh Bob? I think it was vice versa. Poor old man. Is he crying?!
10:54 30 Rock wins for Best Comedy Series! Is it weird of me to think that Tina Fey and I could be BFF's?
11:02 Mad Men wins for Best Drama!
Note to self: Watch Mad Men. Seriously.
(in weasly Ryan Seacrest voice) Sarah in the Trenches. OUT!