Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Take Care of YOU
Kit: "You should go for him. You look hot tonight. Don't take less than $100. Call me when you're through. Take care of you."
Vivian: "Take care of you."
The July 2009 issue of Self magazine has Jillian Michaels on the cover. Something she said in her interview struck me. Hard.
"We, as women, put ourselves down and judge each other. It's like, 'My ass is fatter!' 'Oh, no, you should see my muffin top!' That's all bull. It's OK to put yourself first. Selfish isn't a dirty word. If we were all selfish, it would mean we would take care of ourselves and be able to give back to our loved ones. [Being selfless] is not a good example to set for your kids.
Would you treat your kids the way you treat yourself?
Would you deprive them of playtime and adequate sleep? Would you not make their doctors' appointments? Would you pick them apart and tell them they're ugly?
Pretty strong, huh?
As for me, I deal with the Mommy Guilt constantly. From the time I wake up until the time my head hits the pillow at night:
"I should have read with Middle/Eldest."
"I was probably the only mother who didn't go to the parent-teacher conference."
"I don't have time to do that."
"I'm not there enough."
"I can't do it because I'll be at work."
"He can't go because we can't take him."
"I'm not good enough."
When I do manage to have time to myself (usually in the form of exercise or a Girls Night Out), the guilt is ever-present (both in my brain and through subtle hints from Hubby). I'm not at home. Not spending time with the boyz. We can't afford it. I don't deserve it.
Hubby, in his transition to Mr. Mom, has been completely selfless. He hasn't golfed this year and has even foregone a golf weekend. He didn't bring his clubs to Myrtle. He doesn't buy anything for himself. He (says he) doesn't have time to exercise or work on his resume. Basically, he gets up, gets himself ready, gets the boyz ready, and goes to work. Picks up the boyz, comes home, cooks dinner, plays with the boyz, watches TV, and goes to bed. Lather, rinse, repeat 5 days of the week.
So he doesn't "get it" when I start getting antsy.
For me, I think it all comes down to balance.
And working full-time is not allowing me to have balance.
But I have to work full-time.
Therefore, I don't feel balanced.
It's a vicious cycle. With no end in sight. For either myself or Hubby.