I was home Monday and Tuesday with the boyz because my babysitter was out of town. I bought an extra week of vacation this year, because Hubby and I knew that there would be occasions when we wouldn't have childcare coverage. These days off came at a much needed time, both professionally and personally.
But I assumed that after two full days at home in the Trenches, I would be somewhat READY to head back into my work world.
We all know what happens when you ASSume...
Don't get me wrong, it definitely wasn't all roses and fairies though.
Baby continued his Reign of Terror all day on Monday. Testing his limits, pushing my buttons. For example, I ended up CHASING him around the house because he had grabbed a carton of ice cream out of the freezer and wanted it RIGHT NOW (before lunch). The little sh*t made it 1-1/2 loops around the entire downstairs (damn you, open floor plan!) before I could catch him (with Middle lounging on the couch, watching the footrace, cheering Baby on). I was mad that he had defied me to begin with by even opening the freezer, but then when I couldn't catch him? I.Was.Furious.
Not wanting to be left out, Tuesday was Middle's Day of Rotten. He started out by not wanting to eat breakfast. Then not wanting to get dressed. Not wanting to go to school. Not wanting to get in his carseat. Not wanting to carry his frickin backpack. You get the picture.
After preschool dropoff, I had the grandest of plans to spend a glorious 2-1/2 hours Getting Stuff Done while the boyz were Getting Edjumacated. I wanted to go to Lands End at Sears to try on bathing suits (I just threw up in my mouth a little) and I needed to go to the Gap Outlet to return some pants.
(Side rant: WTF with your clothing sizes, Gap Outlet? I tried on pair of pants, labeled Short. They were too short. So I bought the same size, just in Regular. Silly me for not trying them on, even though they were the SAME SIZE. Because of course they don't fit.)
Anyway, the errands didn't happen. Reality set in immediately after preschool drop-off. Stores don't open until 10:00 on weekdays. I was only free from 8:45 until 11:30. Not NEARLY enough time to take full advantage of child-free shopping!
So I went home. And cleaned. And did laundry. (Riveting, I know.)
When I picked up Middle and Baby from preschool, it was a balmy 50 degrees out (yes, 50 is downright tropical for this time of year in Massachusetts so shut up) so we headed to the playground. I
I made dinner both nights I was home. Dinner was on the table at 5:30, a full hour before I even arrive home most nights. The laundry was caught up. The vacuum was utilized. Our evenings weren't rushed. A palpable sense of calmness pervaded the Trenches for those 2 glorious days.
I was Happy. Content. Settled. At Peace.
And honestly? I am working full-time purely for the money. For my family's financial future. This decision certainly wasn't made overnight. It involved a lot of discussions and tears between Hubby and I. He has been nothing but 110% supportive. And I know that I'm doing the right thing for my family at this point in our lives.
But the Mommy Guilt? It tears me up inside, dear readers. All day, every day. There's always something I'm NOT doing and not ABLE to do, and there's always a little boy who I'm not there for.
Jeez, the point of this entry was to tell you about my 2 days off and it has turned into this.
*wiping away tears at my keyboard*
Sometimes the money just isn't worth it. There, I said it.
And when you're a Mother, there's just no place like home.
But again, deep down, I know that I'm doing the right thing for my family at this point in our lives.