Monday, March 23, 2009

Potty Talk

Let's talk about pee, shall we?

The other night, Baby and Middle were taking a bath. I was making sure they didn't drown each other supervising. My usual perch is on the toilet (lid down).

But I had to pee. So I lifted the lid, pulled down my drawers, and started to tinkle.

(There is no such thing as privacy in the Trenches.)

As I was mid-stream, Baby peered up at me with big brown eyes boring into mine and questioned, "Momma, why d'you pee outta yer butt?"

(Think of this from a 3 year old boy's perspective. A pretty legit question, isn't it?)

Caught (WAY) off guard (and laughing hysterically in my head), I responded, "Errr...I don't."

"Yes you do."

Me: "Hey, I have an idea! Let's play a really fun bath game right now!"


I was upstairs folding laundry when I heard Hubby bellowing below. He was reprimanding Middle for having wet jeans. Apparently Middle had been having so much fun playing outside that he seemingly forgot to take a pee break. Yet the entire time Hubby was scolding him, Middle kept insisting, "But I DIDN'T pee in my pants! I DIDN'T!"

So Middle marched upstairs to me to change his clothes. He obviously had wet himself. There was a huDge wet circle in the front of his jeans.

"But I didn't pee in my pants, Mom!"

"Middle! Daddy and I aren't blind, buddy. Your jeans are soaked. You peed in them! You just have to remember to stop playing and use the potty before you have an accident, okay? Now hand me your wet clothes."

Off came the soaking wet jeans.

Off came the underwear.

They were dry. Totally dry.


He looked up at me.

"I told you I didn't pee IN my pants. I peed ON my pants. I was watering a tree outside and my pants got in the way."



P.S. We tell the boyz to go "water a tree" so they don't just whip it out in the middle of the front yard. Because we're high class like that.


amanda said...

awwww...he told the truth :)

Deb said...

I'm cracking up at the idea of you peeing out your butt, and I had the same reaction Amanda did about Middle telling the truth. So sweet.

Jenni said...

I am pretty sure that when you have little boys, the pee stories never stop coming..

Simply AnonyMom said...

hehehe how funny.

Last summer I tried to teach my son how to "water a tree" and he was so grossed out at the thought of peeing outside. He was crying big fat tears and when daddy came home he tried to tell daddy the horrible thing I told him to do. Daddy also thought it was funny he was so freaked about it.

Fast forward to this Jan. We got a dog. He asked why we were taking the dog outside and we told him it was for her to pee. He once again freaked out about outside peeing (this time by a dog no less). He is finally over the dog peeing outside but I do not forsee my 5 yr old son peeing outside this year either.

Paula Reece said...

LOVE IT! Apparently my middle just whips it out wherever and goes, or so I've been notified by neighbors. Fabulous. I love how you strategically dodged the "peeing out your butt" question too. Very smooth! :)

CynthiaK said...

LOL! Nice work, Middle!

Oh, the things I have to look forward to as mine get a little older...I just don't think I'm prepared for all that boys entail! (not the least of which is a volume level approaching that of a jet airplane)

Thank goodness for Trenches so I can at least brace myself!

Manic Mommy said...

HA! We had an almost identical conversation regarding peeing from your bum. I went into minor specifics but drew the line at "showing".

When I was in the midst of potty training hell with Gremlin, he'd wander out onto the deck and whip it out.

Stay classy!

Lynette3boys said...

Gotta love boys!

Allison said...

My Son says boy's pee pee's are on the outside and girl's pee pee's are on the gotta love the pee talks!

Amanda said...

Whenever you suggest they are lying, they aren't. At least here. Yesterday Ave sat on the potty and told me she had to pee cause her poop needed to go on a different page. They know things.

A Christian Mom said...

This post made me giggle! Gotta love kids!

Michele R said...

Have you noticed when they first learn to pee on a tree that their pants come down so far to completely expose their backside? We had to tell ours that by the way can you please use a tree that is NOT so close to the street!

Anonymous said...

Okay so these two stories reminded me of something that happened in my back yard last summer with my then 2 year old daughter and her then 2 year old best friend. They were playing in the splash pool and Other Mom and I were inside sitting at the table keeping track of them thru the kitchen windows.

I look up and see the two of them out of the pool and standing in the yard with their bathing suits down. The little boy is peeing, my daughter is watching - fascinated. This is a new trick for him and he's very proud of it.

Then when he's done he turns to her, she looks down, they are both perplexed. He looks down at himself. He takes what he's got in his hands and points to it, shows it to her and points to her absence of the same.

He looks closer I guess in hopes of finding it. Then closer. The gets down on the ground and looks up at it just to make sure that missing piece isn't hiding somewhere. She just stands there confused.

He stands up, shrugs, shakes his head, and walks away.

The other mom and I still have not stopped laughing.

t said...

After giving birth to two girls and then 10 years later having my first boy, my welcome was getting pee in my face when the little guy was straight up when I took his diaper off. It went on from there when brother #2 came along. They then learned to run out after bathtime and embarrass their big sisters with the "naked boys" dance. Boy I wish I had that on tape.

Patois42 said...

It's all about the pee at that age, eh? Well, the pee and the poop.

Gray Matter Matters said...

That is too funny. Oh, the other day my son looked at my box of Tampax and said "Mom, why would you want plastic pearls?" I like your solution of saying "Hey! Let's play with the bath toys!"

Anonymous said...

OMG!! I laughed so hard, that now, I have to go pee...

Cheryl Lage said...

Bwahahahaha! WE often ask about "drippy" pants...even at 7. Don't know when I'll ever feel 100% confident...maybe I need to do a li'l maternal goal-setting Storybook! ;)

(and I love your blog personality adjectives!)

Shasta said...

haha I pee out my butt too! I've tried my hardest to explain to my boys over and over but the older two still think I pee out my butt, they just can't understand any other possibility. They say "Mommy's pee pee is in her butt". Lovely. I guess this is how they think when it's all boys & no little sisters to see at diaper changes and such.

Love the peeing on the tree thing too, darn those pants for getting in his way!

Mom of 5 said...

I sympathize with him. Since having kids, I have peed on my pants as well when faced in a situation where it's a bush or just wetting myself (hikes, camping, etc). I might as well just pee my pants because the end result is the same. I just can't control my aim anymore. Darn kids!

Alex Elliot said...

I'm telling that line to my boys!


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