Thursday, January 08, 2009

To the Husbands: What NOT To Say To Your Wife

Last night, Hubby squinted his eyes at me and randomly blurted, "Wow, Mrs. V. You've got a lotta snow on that roof, huh? You're getting reallllllllllllly gray."

(This coming from the man who totally bitches each and every time I get my hair colored. And my hairdresser's prices, in Boston, mind you, are totally reasonable!)

(And I was TRYING to be fiscally responsible and hold off on the haircoloring until right before my 36th (gulp) birthday in early February. But now? NOTSOFREAKINGMUCH.)

And then, of course, he furiously backpedalled (don't they all?): "I'm just saying I can notice it, is all. I don't mind how you look, honey."

Whatever. I think that statement practically BEGS me to get some color IMMEDIATELY, don't you???

****
AND THEN, yesterday morning, as I was preparing to leave for work, Hubby AGAIN squinted his eyes at me and randomly blurted, "Are you wearing eyeshadow?" Except he didn't say it in an appreciative or approving tone. It was almost, dare I say, DISDAINFUL.

(For the record, I wear eyeshadow to work EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.)

(I may have hissed this particular fact to him through clenched teeth.)

And oh, then the backpedalling: "You wear it everyday? I guess I just never noticed it before. It doesn't look bad though. Have a nice day dear."

****
AND THEN, last night at dinner:

"I got invited by that bank in Baltimore to go to an Orioles game and sit in the luxury box when they're playing the Sox! On June 29th! I CAN'T WAIT!"

This time, I didn't even have to respond. Eldest/Rainman did for me:

"But Dad! That's Baby's birthday! It's on a Monday."

Me: "So honey, you GO RIGHT AHEAD and fly to Baltimore and golf and drink beer and sit in the LUXURY BOX...on your SON'S FOURTH BIRTHDAY. Have a great time."

Gah.


14 comments:

Shanna said...

Yes, there should be a book for husbands on things not to say to their wives. And they should have to read it EVERY. DAY.

Chris said...

Would you like to borrow my skillet? And as Adam Sandler says... Boot to the head!

Natalie said...

It's the y-chromosome.. I think it's a birth defect.. seriously. It prevents their mind from functioning fully.
Last weekend was our oldest son's 12th birthday. Friday night at dinner, I was told that the hubby would be going to his BFF's house to watch a basketball game the next night. My response, sure that's fine. We'll have the birthday dinner without you. Needless to say, he stayed home & helped serve cake & ice cream.

Melizzard said...

After all that I almost feel sorry for the guy.. but then I don't. Have fun at the hairdresser.

Jessica @ A Bushel and a Peck said...

Oh geez. One of those would be bad enough. All three...yikes. Someone is not wearing their thinking cap lately.

Ali said...

we were in st. lucia for emily's seventh birthday. she hasn't let us forget it for the past 10 months. good times.
:)

AmyG said...

Men... I swear, they'll never learn!

Manic Mommy said...

What I really like is his backpedaling - "I don't mind"..."you don't look bad". Ooh, honey, you do know how to turn a girl's head!

Andy's best, concerning my weight was; "I know where want to be, and I know you're not there..." It was a good 10 years ago and he still hasn't lived it down.

In (Not So) Perfect Balance said...

Tell Mr. V. that HE.IS.A.KNUCKLEHEAD.
:o) MB

Chaotic Joy said...

The other day The Man and I were looking at our old albums and he saw a picture of me from several years ago and he said "Wow Hon! You were a hottie!"

And by the stricken look on my face he knew to start backpedaling...but lets just say someone (not him) is now on a New Years diet.

I feel your pain girl. Insensitive much?

pjmomof3boys said...

Yeah, what IS it with them? Husband NEVER comments about my appearance and when he finally did one day it was this: "That green eye shadow makes you look like you have two black eyes." Nice. Real nice.

DysFUNctional Mom said...

That calls for a color, highlights, and a well-placed knee to the groin.

Michelle said...

And they say women are the ones that should shut up and just be pretty? I beg to differ :)

the human said...

I have to chime in for the guys here. We had a choice of getting the 'say the right thing' gene or the 'kill the big scary spider' gene, there's not enough room for both. Did we choose wrong?

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