Dear Fellow Employee,
You may wonder why I am writing. After all, we only pass each other awkwardly in the bathroom. (But then again, aren't all bathroom interactions a bit awkward?) We've never spoken, although I have certainly noticed your odd bathroom habit where you flush the toilet 6 TIMES! IN A ROW! when you're still in there. But I won't talk about that. (Whoops, already did, didn't I?)
This letter is my way of venting about you. Wanna know why? Keep reading.
An attorney assigned YOU this task:
You were given a stack of closing documents, indexed 1-34. You were instructed to prepare closing binders. Two separate volumes of closing binders, 12 each. 24 binders in total.
A burdensome task certainly, what with the double-sided copying, hole-punching, indexing, etc. Also, tedious and mind-numbing, I'll give you that.
But it's not rocket science. Nor is it brain surgery.
As a matter of fact, you don't even have to be familiar with the documents! Guess what? You just have to know HOW TO COUNT.
Apparently you don't.
(Lemme let you in on a few secrets: page 9 does not follow page 7; sometimes the copier eats pages - it's good to double-check your work; hole-punching on the WRONG side and still inserting it into a binder constitutes LAZINESS.)
So I? Was asked to fix your mess.
Which was fine, because, let's face it - you and I both know that our Company is getting rid of people left and right. So, heck, if I'm asked to (re)create some binders, you bet your sweet asscheeks that I will do so.
But holy hell, lady.
You apparently didn't even TRY on this task. Those binders were f'ed up pieces of work that took practically two days to properly fix.
I'm flabbergasted that you still have a job.
And I think your excessive toilet flushing is weird.
Your Binder Bitch,
P.S. I guess I must grudgingly thank you though. The attorney working on the project ended up sending this e-mail about me to my supervisor. Your ineptness has made me shine! All because I can put a binder together properly. Wooo hooo!
From the attorney:
"As you might know, we have been putting together a set of binders containing documents for the second half of the [abc] transaction (i.e. documents related to our [xyz] and [lmnop] products.) Sarah has assisted with that project, and I just wanted you to know that she has done a terrific job in pulling together a number of confusing documents - arranging misnumbered and miscopied pages; finding signatures, exhibits, etc. It's very much appreciated."