Friday, January 09, 2009

Are You Victoria's Secret Bathing Suit Ready?

I received a $50 gift certificate to Victoria's Secret for Christmas. From my mom.

So I got on their website, thinking that I would probably use it to buy granny panties a sexy bra.

And that's when I noticed that their 2009 "swimwear" line is out:

 Methinks this swimsuit's tan lines would make you look like you were sporting a second navel. The J.Lo swimsuit. Indecent exposure most likely to occur.  But hey, a great swimsuit for breastfeeding!


The Attacked By a Shark Swimsuit.

The I Wanna Be a Caveman Swimsuit. Alternately titled: The Swimsuit With the Strap For No Reason.
 Again, wonky tan lines. In the form of a penis shape pointing down towards your crotch. This poor model looks like she's contracted a bad yeast infection from this particular swimsuit.


This would be a GREAT maternity swimsuit, don't you think?


 And last but not least, Victoria's Secret introduces the "stomach thong".

23 comments:

Feener said...

hysterical and sad

karen said...

Swimsuits like these make me glad I don't have a model's body.

Shasta said...

I love your names for them!! Hilarious! My husband actually tried to get me to buy a suit almost exactly like the "Attacked By a Shark Swimsuit" with pink on it, last summer at Victoria's Secret. I laughed at him. I might have little boobs but I'm still quite certain that they would pop out the sides in that suit.

Melizzard said...

Amazing.. bathing suits that can make the world's most stunningly beautiful and perfect women look awkward and uncomfortable.

Way to boost sales VS your going to sell a lot of those!

A Buns Life said...

I TRIPLE DOG DARE anyone to wear any one of those the the neighborhood pool!

Judy said...

Good golly - they don't even look attractive on the models, how could they POSSIBLY look good on me???

We just got back from the Carribbean, and I totally expected to see stuff like this, but everyone we saw on the beach was really really NORMAL. Well, everyone except the topless grandma (oh yes she was).

Elaine said...

Ha! You're right, these swimsuits are bizarre.

Chaotic Joy said...

Sarah-This was hysterical. You are crackin me up this week.

Manic Mommy said...

Hysterical!!

Thanks for making me feel better about my tankini (the official bathing suit of real mommies everywhere).

Jenni Jiggety said...

Ah yes...Victoria's Secret. Making regular women feel bad about their bodies since the 1990s...

Melanie said...

I gotta say, I LOVE their bra's (it's all I own except for a few recent nursing bra purchases) and I have a few pieces of lingere from bridal showers. But their clothing line has always seemed a little trashy to me.

Chris said...

LMAO @ the penis & yeast infection suits. You're hilarious!

AmyG said...

LOL, I love your descriptions!

iheartchocolate said...

My goodness, those suits don't even look good on the 90 lb models, what would they look like with a real woman in them?

I work there and know they are having a huge semi-annual sale right now and have tons of bras for 15 bucks and panties for 2.99! It was all reduced more but you have to hurry because they are going fast and the sale ends soon too. Also, their beauty products are on sale and you can get tons of delicious smelling stuff for little $$!

Don't do it online, go in to the store woman-GO!

OHmommy said...

Oh man....

I wonder what the other moms at the pool would think if someone walked in wearing one of those. LOL.

lorela (MBC) said...

lol! the insanely gifted award goes to you! :))

btw, i added u up in my blogroll

Shanna said...

Has anyone ever seen a person wearing these in real life?!

DysFUNctional Mom said...

In my wildest dreams.

Anonymous said...

I think the "stomach thong" is cute

Lynette said...

AHAHAHA... That pregnant one? Also works if you've got a beer belly. Nice. I'll take 2. (because I also need the penis one...you know? who doesn't need a penis tan line?)

Stacie said...

love your comments on the suits!!!

here from The Bean

Julia said...

I would seriously go naked at the beach before wearing any of those monstrosities which are labeled "swim suits." Maybe VS needs to appropriately label that section "my crazy ass boyfriend/husband wants to F me in these ridiculous suits." Cause there's just no swimming about them...

foolery said...

Beej sent me, and she was right to do so.

I'm trying to imagine the pyroclastic flow that would result from cramming my huge butt into one of those balloon shreds. It would NOT be pretty.

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