1. First of all, the name. What the ^&*(*) does Capri Sun even mean?
2. The wacky flavors. Pacific Cooler? Is it supposed to taste like the Pacific Ocean? Or the Pacific Northwest? What the hell are my children drinking???
3. The straw wrappers. Oh my lord, the straw wrappers. Do they multiply? I'm skilled such that I can remove the straw from its wrapper without ungluing the wrapper from the package. My boyz don't like this though. Apparently the empty straw wrapper still glued to the juice box bothers them. Because no matter how many times I vacuum, I always find a random straw wrapper on my floor, glinting in the sun. And even when I tell them to THROW THE WRAPPER AWAY, I swear it jumps back out of the garbage and onto my floor. Do I sound psycho? Perhaps.
4. I prefer to just toss the half-drunk (drank?) ones (see #7 below). Everyone else in the Trenches prefers to store them in the fridge, so there they are, half-empty soldiers littering up the fridge shelves FOR MONTHS. Because God forbid someone slap a name on theirs. So that when Mommy asks, "Whose is this?" everyone can respond, "Not mine."
5. They are in no way, shape or form, nutritious. I heard that even the Capri Sun "Roarin' Waters" (stupid name) have as much sugar as those little fruity barrel drinks (whaddya call them?)
6. Even if I'm the one inserting the straw with as much delicateness as possible, IT LEAKS. You just look at the things and they squirt out. Not good for toddlers with meaty paws whose instinct it is to GRAB. And SQUEEZE.
But they're cheap. And in these economic times? We buy them. In bulk.
Dammit, I can't quit you, Capri Sun.