Monday, December 22, 2008

Why This Mother Despises Capri Sun


1. First of all, the name. What the ^&*(*) does Capri Sun even mean?

2. The wacky flavors. Pacific Cooler? Is it supposed to taste like the Pacific Ocean? Or the Pacific Northwest? What the hell are my children drinking???

3. The straw wrappers. Oh my lord, the straw wrappers. Do they multiply? I'm skilled such that I can remove the straw from its wrapper without ungluing the wrapper from the package. My boyz don't like this though. Apparently the empty straw wrapper still glued to the juice box bothers them. Because no matter how many times I vacuum, I always find a random straw wrapper on my floor, glinting in the sun. And even when I tell them to THROW THE WRAPPER AWAY, I swear it jumps back out of the garbage and onto my floor. Do I sound psycho? Perhaps.

4. I prefer to just toss the half-drunk (drank?) ones (see #7 below). Everyone else in the Trenches prefers to store them in the fridge, so there they are, half-empty soldiers littering up the fridge shelves FOR MONTHS. Because God forbid someone slap a name on theirs. So that when Mommy asks, "Whose is this?" everyone can respond, "Not mine."

5. They are in no way, shape or form, nutritious. I heard that even the Capri Sun "Roarin' Waters" (stupid name) have as much sugar as those little fruity barrel drinks (whaddya call them?)

6. Even if I'm the one inserting the straw with as much delicateness as possible, IT LEAKS. You just look at the things and they squirt out. Not good for toddlers with meaty paws whose instinct it is to GRAB. And SQUEEZE.

But they're cheap. And in these economic times? We buy them. In bulk.

Dammit, I can't quit you, Capri Sun.

6 comments:

Judy said...

The only time we buy these suckers is when they are needed for some "function", like a class party or something. I've hooked my boys on Crystal Light, and we mix it ourselves and fill smaller sport bottles with it. Cheap, yes, but like you, I have a thing about those dern straws!!!!

Allison said...

I totally agree - Oh good - I thought I was just being the crazy juicebox mom.

Moriah @ Please Pass the Salt said...

We have a worse history with the boxes.

Jenni Jiggety said...

Oh yes...and I thought the fridge issue would be solved if I bought mini Poland Springs bottles instead? But no, now I have half empty capri suns AND water bottles in my fridge.

Mom of 5 said...

- I've wondered the same thing about the names. What flavors ARE these things?
-The straw wrappers not only multiply, but some of them manage to retain some of the "glue" that sticks them to the pouch and they end up stuck in some strange places. (at least in my house). I also take the straws off and leave the plastic attached, but the kids just can't seem to leave it there. I thought it was just my kids!
-I can't sympathize with the half drank (drunk? now I'm not sure) pouches. My kids suck them down like nothing and I find the empty pouches nicely flattened sitting on the counters or BESIDE the trash can (no matter how many times I ask them to throw them away.)
-No, they are NOT nutritious. But they are portable, CLEAR (which is great for my light carpets), easy, and cheap. And cheap. Oh, and cheap! I usually find them on sale for about 1.75 a 10 pack (or less).
-I have ended up with more capri sun on me, the counters, and the floors than I care to mention just from handing it to the kids. Why oh why MUST THEY SQUEEZE IT?????

Love this post!

Renee said...

OMGosh. I said notsonice things just this week, when I "fished" one of those straw wrapper things out of the drain in the dishwasher ! Thousand wonders to me it didn't melt to the element.

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