Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Mommy Massage?

I heard an advertisement on the radio touting "a great gift for that special someone".

It was for an at-home massage. Meaning you can hire this company to provide you with someone (a masseur) to give you a massage in the comfort of your very own home!

Uh...I'm thinking that there's NO MARKET in this for frazzled mothers.

Isn't the whole point of getting a massage SERENITY???

The peaceful music, the dim lights, the BEING AWAY FROM IT ALL???

Picture it: The massage table is set up. In your messy living room. You're laying there covered in only a sheet. You stick your forehead on the little donut hole and the first thing you see? Crumbs. Oh, and the missing Matchbox car your little one has been whining about for a week.

Your massage begins. But the background noise isn't soft tinkling music, it's SpongeBob blaring on the TV.

The lights aren't dim because it's the middle of the day.

There are no lit candles because hello? Fire hazard to young children.

Just as you're drifting off, your preschooler comes up to you and taps you on the head, wanting a snack. So you listlessly point at the Cheerio crumbs you spotted on the floor.

Is this not doing it for you? Yeah, me neither.

Thanks, but no thanks.


Greens and Pinks said...

There's a spa I used to go to back in the day (aka before kids) in Newburyport - I still go there every so often because sometimes the drive there and back (alone!) is just as relaxing as the massage!

Shanna said...

No. Way.

Anonymous said...

OMG this reminds me of the funniest story. Back when I was right out of college I worked at a bank. There was this guy who came in once or twice a week and would deposit about 15-25 checks all from women for anywhere from $75-100 each sometimes more. He was mid 40's and had that "was probably hot at 25 but now middle aged and cheesy" look but he was in really good shape and very nice. We all laughed to ourselves when he came in.. sure we knew where those ladies checks where coming from and why. Boom Chicka Wow Wow.

Then one day a regular customer and her husband were sitting at my desk when he comes in and she spots him. She waves him over and hugs him, he shakes the husbands hand. This is getting weird. I'm sitting there turning beat red trying not to giggle. The other employees are staring. It's all I can do to hold it together thinking I'm learning more about these two customers than I want to know.

After the fellow leaves - I smile at my two folks and say "So you know John? He banks here a lot." They say "Yes, he's our massage therapist." and go on to explain how the wife was in a car accident last year and was hurt very bad and could not get out easily and this guy does in home therapeutic massage as part of out-patient rehab.

We all felt like idiots.

T with Honey said...

I can just imagine getting up from my massage to wipe my daughter's bottom. No thanks! This service will have to wait until I'm an empty nester.

262mom said...

Dog Barking
Telemarketers calling
Kids friends ringing the doorbell

no kidding!

Anonymous said...

i completely agree!

i used to go to a woman's house for a massage and she was wonderful BUT, her 3 little ones were always running around upstairs making a racket. It reminded me too much of home, so I had to find someone else. :(

Manic Mommy said...

The Batman Lego video game disputes, the incessant chatter from my children as they interview the massage therapist, my MIL dropping by, the dog barking to be let out, someone spilling something on the couch.

Oh, yeah...that's relaxation.

Patois42 said...

Too funny. You sure they're not one of those "escort" services? I imagine there'd be a market for that kind of in-home service.

Jenni said...

No, no...I will have mine out at the spa with no children in earshot!

Amanda said...


Anonymous said...

good god what I would not do for a massage.

for reals.


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