Friday, October 24, 2008

Trying to Be Fine

I was fine.

Baby has his "Fall Festival" today at school from 10:45 - 11:30. A terrible timeframe for me to attempt to attend.

But earlier in the year (after missing one too many school activities for the boyz) I made a vow to myself that I would NOT be absent from ANY of these events EVER AGAIN.

Famous last words, huh?

But I was fine.

I resolved myself to the fact that this mid-morning event was simply not doable without having to take a full vacation day, which I don't have.

Hubby and Grandma will be in attendance. Hubby has strict instructions to take a plethora of pictures and video of 3-year old Baby dressed up as a leaf and marching and singing with his peers.

I was fine.

As soon as he woke up this morning, Baby scurried into my bedroom where I was getting ready for work, his eyes squinty from the light, his hair in disarray, his blue blanket trailing behind him. In his squeaky little voice he asked me,

"Why you not come to my party today, Momma?"

I stopped being fine.

I put down my hairbrush and approached him, kneeling down so we were eye level, and swallowed down my heart as I wrapped my arms around him and said,

"Momma's gotta get on her train, buddy, and go to her work in Boston. Daddy and Grandma will be at your party! Daddy's bringing the camera, so make sure you do lots of smiles, okay?"

I'm not fine.

The conundrum of being a Working Mother? It SUCKS.

26 comments:

Jessica @ A Bushel and a Peck said...

I am so sorry. It does suck.

WaltzInExile said...

It really DOES suck. My first grader wants to know why Mommy can't come on his field trips as a chaperon like "all the other Moms and Dads do" and it is breaking my heart. But you know what? My mom was a single working mom, and no one (not Dad, not aunts or uncles or grandmothers) ever came to our school parties or field trips (mine nor my 4 brothers' or sisters') and we all turned out fine (if a little angsty about trying to be at our kids' things, LOL) I wish I had some great advice for you, but we're treading this same water here. (Does it help at all to know you're not the only one...?)

Chaotic Joy said...

Oh Hon. That's so hard. But honestly, my husband attends like one or two of those type things a year. We have a "one of us has to be there" approach. And my kids are used to that. They will be ok. But you are right, it sucks. Sending you hugs.

karen said...

*hug* I'm missing a field trip to the pumpkin picking farm today. Some days just make your heart hurt.

Petunia Face said...

I am right there with you. I dropped my daughter off at daycare today wearing her ladybug costume. All the kids were running around as Superman and princesses and the daycare provider said "Oh, she is the cutest ladybug ever!" and scooped her up for a hug. But she is MY cute ladybug. I should be scooping her up. Instead I am here at work where there are no ladybugs at all.

AmyG said...

I am so sorry! :o(

katesaid said...

It so, so sucks. I wish there was an answer... even with my job, in which I work 3 12-hour days and have two weekdays off, I still miss the school events. And I still bathe in the guilt.

AFRo said...

There really are no words to console you. However, just know that you are not alone with your feelings. We've all been there at some point or another. *Hugs*

Owens Family Adventures said...

My heart goes out to you.
sniff
dawn

marathon mom said...

I completely agree with you. And right now DH is unemployed, and totally taking over MY Mommy job. And doing a crappy job at it too!

Yeah, I am all for gender stereotypes =)

Jenni Jiggety said...

It does suck...a whole lot.

Alex Elliot said...

I'm sorry. You know I'm a SAHM and I don't even get to attend all my son's school events and field trips because I can't always find childcare for the younger one and siblings usually aren't allowed.

Feener said...

that just broke my heart. hang in there. you boyz will respect women and ALL they have to do and CAN do.

amandashead said...

Amen. I always think I'm "OK" until I realize I'm never the room mom, the chaperone mom, or the mom who is on a first name basis with all of the teachers.

I'm sorry...working momhood really blows sometimes :(

Lynette said...

It does suck. I've missed so many things for my kids, but what can you do?
I just kind of rely on the fact that later, as they get older, they understand.

Patois said...

You might not be, but they are fine.

Maureen said...

Ugh... you don't cry alone. It sucks.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, it sucks. Do you think these school could alternate between end of the day and first thing in the morning events? I joined the PTA in hopes of mentioning this...'cept I often feel like the only parent in my kids entire school that has a full time job...

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I will never forget being a single mom who could NOT miss work, and having my daughter tell me that ALL of the other kids' parents were at her party that day, she was the only one with nobody there. It was like a knife in my heart.
Mommy guilt sucks.

hqm said...

Here, Here!
I am REALLY struggling with it myself. Almost went right over the edge last week...hoping this week is better!

Lori said...

I know I'm late, but I wanted to say that I understand and give you hugs!

Shauna Loves Chocolate said...

Yes, it sucks.
Take care.

Jennifer, Playgroups Are No Place For Children said...

I'm so sorry.

More, More, More said...

It sure does suck... for me it sucks because I have a hard time doing it all and sometimes I want to just curl up and go to bed because it's so overwhelming. Hang in there...

S_girls Mom said...

It sucks, it's heart-wrenching and it's difficult to deal with DAILY. My hope is that my kids will remember the stuff I did do with them, especially since there is no way to know all I do for them until they become mothers. I'm told by other working moms with grown kids that my hopes are realistic!

the new girl said...

When I have to leave my girl for the measly few hours I work, I very, very often think of you full-time moms who are also full-time workers outside the home.

I think of you with a lot of gentle tenderness. Because it MUST SUCK. As tough as it is to be home with kids all day, it is also incredibly hard to leave them and miss all this stuff.

xo

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