Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Nocturnal Emissions

We've been participating in nighttime Olympics in the Trenches. What? You haven't heard of this event? We could totally win the gold medal. Middle and Baby wet their beds at least once a week. Usually around 3am. (We did away with Pullups this summer. They NEVER peed in the Pullups.)

Here's how the Games unfold:

1. Hear crying. Groan inwardly. Hope that one of the boyz is simply dreaming and will settle back down on his own.

2. Crying continues. Still wait, hoping Hubby will be the first to fold get up.

3. Crying starts to get louder. Worry that the other 2 boyz will be woken up. Drag ass out of bed while cursing Hubby for winning the waiting game "sleeping" through the commotion.

4. Shuffle blindly into boyz' bedroom and immediately catch whiff of urine.

5. Swear under breath.

6. Remove child from scene of the crime accident and instruct him to strip nekkid in the bathroom.

7. Throw covers and blankets off bed while holding breath. Remove fitted sheet and "waterproof" mattress cover and throw in hallway.

8. Stare at bare mattress. Smell for pee seepage. Consider flipping mattress or spraying Febreze, but then come to senses because it's fricking 3am.

9. Consider re-making bed with new set of sheets, but then come to senses because it's fricking 3am.

10. Throw fleece blanket on bare mattress for child to sleep on.

11. Get fresh pj's and unders for Perpetrator child (who is whining while shivering naked in the bathroom) and hiss at him to BE QUIET because his brothers are SLEEPING and remind him that it's the MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.

12. Tuck Perpetrator child back into bed.

13. Trip over mound of pee-pee bedding and clothing in hallway before lurching back into bed.

14. Kick Hubby for having the audacity to snore.

15. Make mental note to buy more Pullups.

16. Sigh because it's now less than 2 hours until the alarm clock goes off.
Captain Urine and Peter Pee (playing dress-up in their Halloween costumes from last year.)


Liza said...

Unfortunately I have "played" this game more times than I care to remember. And how come men can "sleep" through this, but the minute you change the channel on the tv they wake up?! :)

Anonymous said...

ouch! I am not looking forward to those days. Although, first I have to get him to agree to pull ups during the day.

Unknown said...

You know....my daughter pulled this for quite some time. She would be dry for a month. We would let her sleep in underwear and then that night she would pee in her bed. Back to the pull-ups and repeat. What we started doing to save money was let her wear her undies UNDER the pull-ups and then put the pull-ups on over them. If she had an accident no biggie....it wouldn't seep through and she could wear the pull-ups quite a few nights in a row, before they broke down and got ragged. Just a thought.....

hot potato said...

i KNOW that scenario well. just played it with my husband this morning and won! the conversation in the bathroom where we moms hiss at our kids to be quiet because the whole house is sleeping is universal.

funny. the ties that bind.

Shasta said...

I'm really laughing at "Kick Hubby for having the audacity to snore." I can totally picture myself doing that to my husband because he would be the one laying in bed while I did all of this. A couple of months ago, this was me every other night with my middle boy, only he would usually make it out of bed, but go on the carpeted floor beside his bed and I would be scrubbing carpet at 3 am. Fun! I hope your Olympics end soon and you win!

Natalie said...

We've played this game. My favorite is when my just barely 3 year old wakes me up in the middle of the night (what is it about 3 am?) by yelling, "I have to make pee pee!" as loud as she can. The only thing that keeps me from being too upset is when I go in her room, she's standing in the middle of her toddler bed holding her crotch & yelling. It's almost too funny to be mad. The other thing I don't get is why she just doesn't get out of her bed to come to the potty?

Patois42 said...

My trick, having experienced similar nocturnal emissions with my eldest: mattress, waterproof cover, fitted sheet, waterproof cover, fitted sheet. Just rip off the top one and you're set. This assumes there's never more than one accident in a night.

Barb Matijevich said...

I want to say something profound like, "these days will pass, I promise" but I can't because A) I'm laughing and B) I'm so grateful not to be in that stage anymore!

Fratzels said...

This is exactly why I haven't done away with pull-ups!
I think one step ahead sells some kind of alarm sounding thingy that goes off when the first drop of pee hits it - of course, then the others have woken too.

Mags said...

I'm playing this game with my Captain Urine and my Princess Pea. The Captain was doing great for a while, until last week when he peed in MY bed. Argh!!! I had to send the quilt out to be cleaned because it's too large for my washer. Thanks for making me laugh though!!!

Staci said...

This is the MAIN reason I am terrified of not using pullups at night! Hope you get a full night sleep!

Amyland said...

you are so funny. loved this one. and by the way, you also talk just a wee bit like Sarah palin, not to mention you have the same name, DUH. so don't go pretending it's cause you have a pin-striped suit. now what are your favorite sayings going to be? worked on your winking yet?

Michelle said...

THIS is why I haven't attempted to get rid of the pullups at night yet! Maybe they should just sleep in the same bed and when that one is wet they can jump in the other?!! haha

Alex Elliot said...

Is it wrong to say that your post cracked me up? I have heard the same advice as another commenter left: layer his bed with a waterproof sheet, regular sheet, waterproof sheet, regular sheet. My kid will change himself and then crawl into bed with us usually without us knowing. Yeah, I'm sure the "experts" would have a field day with that one.

Jenni said...

Ugh. The only thing worse than a peepee bed in the middle of the night is a vomitous bed in the middle of the night.

The Crafty Insomniac said...

When we first started out going Pull-Ups-less Em peed the bed a few times. I found these awesome waterproof pads that go over the fitted sheet and tuck under the edges. They were AWESOME. Try the Target website!

amanda said...

these are the kinds of posts that keep me coming back - laugh out loud funny but oh so real.

how you do that i don't know, but i am glad you do :)

wishing you a pee free night!

Anonymous said...

This was so funny really made me laugh!!!
I do the same thing with my 6 children, because there are six of them someone always wakes up with a wet-bed. Because my husband deploys so often when he is here I force him to get up by hitting him really hard (either arm or shoulder works) and then turning the other way and telling him that I am nursing the baby (our four month old)
Love the picture of your boys!

In (Not So) Perfect Balance said...

Ahhh. We have been medaling in the Olympics for years. (As you had to hear so sadly about on our girls trip.) Gets old, huh?

I was so excited to be on a girls weekend and have my roomie NOT pee the bed like the cherubs that continuously do so here.

MB :o)

Anonymous said...

OMG...this ranks up there with one of my favorite posts ever. You captured the Nocturnal Olympics to a T...the stench of urine, shivering kid, pile of soaked sheets... I can't even count the number of nights mine slept on a towel on top of their bare mattress.
Love it!


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