Hubby and I know this guy who used to live in our neighborhood. He and his wife divorced, and they both have since moved out of town. But their daughter is best friends with our next-door neighbor's daughter. And their son is Eldest's age and was a good playmate for Eldest. So, needless to say, this father, "Larry", still hangs around a bit.
Have you ever met someone with NO social etiquette whatsoever??? Someone who makes you inwardly cringe as you try to think of ways to avoid him/her? Someone who is just so boring and rambling and always seems to overstay their welcome? Well, that'd be Larry.
Instance #1: He was dropping off his daughter next door a few weeks ago, and ambled over to our yard just after Hubby was done splitting wood (my very own Paul Bunyon!). Hubby was desperately in need of a shower and sustenance but Larry plunked himself down in a lawn chair to chat. So Hubby hung out with him for a beer or three.
By then it was dinnertime. I was cooking so it was indeed a gourmet offering of a Bertolli frozen meal for us and mac&cheese for the boyz. Certainly not something I was inclined to serve to a guest (and his son). Finally, after mentioning a few times, "Boy, I reallllyyy need to shower," Hubby finally excused himself and went inside.
The next thing I knew, I saw Larry, through my kitchen window, just chilling on my back deck alone, watching the children play on the trampoline! Leave, already, you FREAK!
Instance #2: Last Sunday, after Eldest's football game, Hubby made it clear that he just wanted to chill in front of the TV for hours on end to watch the Patriots game, the Nascar race, and the Ryder Cup (a veritable trifecta of sporting pleasure for my Manly Man who was eager to assume The Position - feet tipped back in the recliner, one hand resting in his shorts waistband, the other gripping a can of beer, remote on his lap.) Which was fine. A lazy Sunday in the Trenches.
Next thing we know, we see Eldest playing outside with another child. Larry's son. Which meant Larry wasn't too far behind. Shit. Sure enough, he came in, uninvited, took off his shoes, and proceeded to hang out in the sunroom and visit while Hubby ATE HIS LUNCH. This time, even though it felt rude, I didn't offer him anything to drink, not even water, for fear that he would settle in for the long haul.
After about 30 minutes, he said casually to Hubby, "Hey, do you mind if "Lee" (his son) stays here for an hour or so to play with Eldest? I'm just gonna run up the street to visit with my buddy." Now, since we totally weren't doing anything, I acquiesced, even though I was a bit irked by his rudeness. Seriously. Hey, watch my kid for an hour, will ya?
When he came back, almost 2 hours later (the boys played fine together the whole time - as far as I know, anyway. I made them stay outside!), he again came in, took off his shoes, and went down into Mantown where Hubby had assumed The Position. And stayed. For another hour. Gah.
Instance #3: Today Hubby received an e-mail from Larry that said, and I QUOTE:
"Lee was asking about a sleep-over with Eldest and I was wondering if you guys were ready for such a thing yet?
If you are, my daughter is sleeping over next door on Friday night and I was wondering if you would like to have Lee sleep over with Eldest?"
Ok, this is just WRONG on so many levels!
1. They're 6 years old. Way too young for a random sleepover with a casual acquaintance.
2. It's Wednesday. You're asking about Friday, a mere 2 days from now?
3. Nevermind all that, HE INVITED HIS SON TO SLEEP OVER AT MY HOUSE! WHO DOES THAT?
So the two of us conspired and Hubby wrote back this response:
"Unfortunately, Eldest and I are both busy through November with football practice on Fridays and Saturdays, and games on Sunday mornings. It's just not a good time. Thanks for asking though."
And now that we know he'll be lurking around to drop his daughter off on Friday and to pick her up on Saturday, you can bet that our garage door will be closed, and the shades will be drawn!
Can you believe the NERVE of some people???