Tuesday, August 26, 2008

The (Not So) Skinny

I've been hesitant to do this post for a number of reasons. The main reason though? I feel like I'm giving up.

You see, I'm not running anymore.

Sis and I had even started our own running blog.

But it was hard to find THE ZONE. I just never got there this spring. Or this summer. And it saddens me. Being fit, healthy and feeling good about myself and my body was SUCH a major accomplishment for me last fall.

Completing a half marathon was one of my proudest moments. As a woman. As a mother of 3. As a 34 year old.

Going back to work full-time has been a major life change. My days, heck, even my hours and minutes, are not my own. The times when I'm not commuting to work (up at 5:30am, out the door by 6:45 am), at work, or commuting home from work (home at 6:30pm), I'm Mommy.

(Obviously, I'm still a mother when I'm away from the Trenches, just in a long-distance capacity.)

But at home, I'm in Mommy-Mode. Doing for others. Focusing on them. While also attempting to squeeze in some laundry, household organization, and blogging cleanup. Bedtimes have been late this summer. 8:30ish. After that, I'm on the computer just about ready for bed myself.

Exercise has suffered. And in turn, my eating habits have suffered. (I'm one of those people who are all-or-nothing. If I exercise, I eat right. When I'm off the workout wagon, I eat terribly unhealthy - mmmm...Doritos! Rolos! Ice Cream! No happy medium here.)

It bothers me that my pants are tight. It bothers me that I don't like the way I look. It bothers me that I feel like I'm making excuses when I say that I don't have TIME to exercise - to make it a priority.

But if I do that, THEN something else suffers and falls by the wayside. And it can't be the boyz.

I'm picturing myself dressed up as a circus clown. Juggling balls in the air. One is family. One is work. One is household. That's all I can juggle right now. Sadly, the exercise ball is down at my feet. I can't fit it into the rotation without dropping one of the others. I'm just not that skilled of a juggler.

And it bothers me.

21 comments:

Christine said...

I think that all of us can relate to that. As a working mom, it is next to impossible to do anything except work and be a mom. It is just what happens. The only thing I can suggest is to look at working out quickly at lunch time. It may not be everything, but it may be something..

Michelle said...

I think almost every mother can relate to feeling the same way. It's such a struggle to take away time you could be spending with your family to work out! (besides the fact that it's really not that fun!) If you find a solution let me in on it!

Amanda said...

I could have written every single word of that myself. I'm a fat whale and I owe it all to going back to work last year. I have no words of wisdom...if I did I'd use them on myself...but I'd love to commiserate over a bag of chips with dip and beer.

And sweatpants. Very big sweatpants.

fairytalesandmargaritas said...

I find myself in the same situation. I tried getting up at 5:00 to work out, but almost every day one of the kids would have radar and wake up then too, so I stopped bc I didn't want them getting up so early. I tried working out after they went to bed, but then I'm too pumped up to fall asleep. And I'm just not willing to give up our family time to work out.
I try to fit little bits in as a family though. We go swimming together or even take a walk/bike around the block together. It's definitely not a great/full workout, but every little bit helps, I guess.

AFRo said...

Sounds to me like you've got your priorities straight. It is hard to juggle it all and we just do the best we can. I used a juggling analogy in my "Fembots" post last week... it is ingrained in my mind forever and definitely words to live by when you wear as many hats as most working moms do.

Feener said...

i have no idea how i would find the time or energy to exercise if i was working .....could you do something at lunch hours, maybe just 2 or 3 times a week ??

Fratzels said...

Oh my! I can't even begin to tell you what happened to me after Little Man was born and we moved from MA to NH so I could stay home (yeah - that only last 2 years). I lost all the weight after he was born, then spent the better part of a year putting it all back on.
Being a mom, and stay at home one, is the best thing ever...but boy does it cause body issues. I didn't even recognize myself!

workout mommy said...

I'm not working full time, so I cannot pretend that I understand.

Try to make small changes, because they do add up. (less ice cream, more walks, run those stairs, lunge while playing w/kids, etc.)

Maybe run the football fields during practice? Set up races with the kids? Something where you can incorporate fitness into your mommy time.

just some ideas. At the same time, just cherish every moment with your boys because life is too short.

J said...

If it makes you feel any better, I am not a mom and I still have been having major issues with the exercise ball right now! So feel good that you can keep two balls in the air :)

JenniBeanV said...

It is HARD to do it all. But I do really think that if I find the time to exercise, everything else is just better. It's too bad you didn't live a little closer because I happen to know a very good aerobics instructor... ;-D

The Nice One said...

I didn't have the time to do it until all my kids were in school full time. I had let myself really GO. But when that child went into KGarten and I had time...I kicked my fat pants in the butt.
I know, it sucks, but it will get better.

Manic Mommy said...

The universality of the blogosphere amazing me once again. I wrote about not being to the gym for most of the summer. I'm up about six pounds and I'm sitting here with my capris unbuttoned.

I call it my gerbil wheel - and I stopped working (for money) nearly two years ago.

Why are we so hard on ourselves? Run because you love it.

pjmomof3boys said...

Did I just write that?

Yeah, once again, we have WAY too much in common. I ran two half-marathons two years ago, and they, too, were the proudest moments of my life (aside from pushing out 3 boys), but then what did I do right after finishing the Omaha Marathon? Quit running. Quit doing anything except eating chocolate and drinking regular Cokes. Working every day and then coming home and being Mommy to 3 boys until they finally fall asleep is EXHAUSTING. I keep saying I'm going to start exercising and then in the morning I'm way too tired to get up at 4:45, and after the kids go to bed I'm even more tired. I've gained 15 pounds in the past year and completely hate it but can't seem to find the time to fit exercise in. I mean, I can't even seem to keep up with the laundry or make a decent meal more than once a month! So I WISH I had some words of wisdom for you, but instead I'll just tell you that I know how you feel and that it's too damn bad that you're on the East Coast and I'm in the Midwest...Although we'd probably never have time to get together even if we lived closer anyway. :)

hqm said...

Yes! I feel the EXACT same way. I only get out to run once a week and we all know that does nothing!
I am hoping things will work out better when the girls are back in school...we'll see, right?

Chaotic Joy said...

I don't exercise regularly because I hate it. And because I am lazy. And because I spend too much of my free time in front of a book or the computer.

You, my dear, at least have an excuse.

A Buns Life said...

With a commute like yours I just don't see how you could keep it up....I work full time too, so I really don't work out either. I DO watch what I eat to compensate. Otherwise, on my 5'1 frame I would be scared to death to see what would happen. I take the stairs at work, and am as active with the kids as they want me to be and I hope that that is enough....probably not. Does wii fit with the boy count? I don't know...It's a hard balance I know. I long for those days when the kids are all big enough and we can all go ride our bikes together and do stuff like that.

In (Not So) Perfect Balance said...

The bad news-we are all in the same boat and I have no advice. Since you & I both know this is not my strong suit anymore.

The good news-me & you and the other skittles can go running (to cure our hangovers) on the beach in NMB in less than 60 days!

Until then, give yourself a guilt break.

Love, MB

K said...

I understand just how you feel about your commute. I also Leave home at 6:30 in the morning and do not get home until 6:30 at night. After fixing dinner and getting prepared for the next day I have no energy left, and I don't even have children. I think the suggestions of doing a little somthing during your lunch hour is your best bet if you can fit it in. But honestly I think your juggling act is awesome and I am sure your family agrees. We all know you are doing your best and we love you just the way you are!

Amy @ Milk Breath and Margaritas said...

I'm in!! I got your site to l
load! Wahoo!

I have a post drafted about this VERY THING! The whole "when the hell would I exercise?" post.

I totally hear you on this. I've decided there will be no fitness until my youngest is at least 8.

Heather said...

I agree completely. I feel like it is all I can do to get laundry done, lunches made, and just enough at work so that I don't completely screw something up! I don't know how people with kids who work can find time to exercise... Heather/Grace303

Maureen said...

Oh, how I wish I could say how I do it. But I don't have a clue. Good for you for putting it out there though. No doubt you will figure it out, and I'll be reading to find out how you did it.

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