Monday, April 28, 2008


The other day, I bought a tablecloth that marketed itself as "spillproof".

Doesn't the word itself--SPILLPROOF--optimistically conjure up a scene of peace and tranquility at the dinner table? Children with perfect manners, napkins placed gently on their laps, taking small bites of food with the proper utensils? With nary a spill to be had on the magical, SPILLPROOF tablecloth.

Heh. Then I quickly came to my senses in the middle of Linens N' Things.

(But I still bought the tablecloth.)

So riddle me this, Batman--what exactly do they mean by "spillproof"?

Because it's not like the tablecloth can sense when a spill is about to happen and prevent it! (What I, or any parent, would give for that superpower!)

Which lead my warped mind to thinking:

What if there WERE a tablecloth like that? One with built-in sensors that would gently shock someone about to spill (hey, I said gently). You know, just a little warning that "Hey, your glass is too close to the edge". Or perhaps, "Settle down, fella. Those spastic arm movements at the table are about to knock something over."

Well, if it meant less time spent on my hands and knees sopping up messes, silently screaming curse words in my head while calmly reassuring one of the boyz in a soothing voice that "It's okay. It was an accident. Accidents happen", I'd buy one.

Or seven.


Anonymous said...

Things that make you go hmmmmm. When I think about spillproof i imagine that it'll make it more easier to spill on, like unconciously you will end up spilling something.

Anonymous said...

If it's true, and the tablecloth has 'spillproof' superpowers do you think someone could invent 'dustproof' furniture? We could use all the help we can get over here on the scale!
MB :o)

Sarah said...

well, at least you manage to retain the soothing voice.

my version of "accidents happen" in that scenario is much screechier. kinda defeats the content of the statement, doesn't it?

BOSSY said...

Stain-proof, maybe. Spill-proof? Doh.

Unknown said...

I was looking at new refrigerators the other day and the salesman showed me one model and claimed that it had spill proof shelves. Dude. Just because the edges of the shelf turn up a little does not make it spill proof. I could definitely still spill something in there.


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