Saturday, February 16, 2008

Why I'm Tired This Morning

A plaintive question cuts through the silence of the 3 a.m. darkness.


I roll over, hoping thinking perhaps I didn't really hear anything.

Again, "Mom?"

With a swear word sigh, I stumble out of bed, groping for my glasses on my way to respond to Eldest. He's sitting up in his top bunk, shirtless and muttering unintelligibly, with a mound of tissues in front of him. Middle, in the bottom bunk, grunts and burrows back under his covers.

"I can't understand you buddy. Did you say you have a sore throat?"

Then the 3 dreaded words that make the staunchest of mothers shudder spill from his lips, this time very clearly:


Ok, now I'm awake. In fact, instantaneously WIDE awake. I spring into "Mom-Mode" (you totally know what I mean) and instruct Eldest to climb down the ladder. I toss his comforter, blankie (unscathed, thankfully), pillows and the heap of tissues he had tried to sop up the mess with, onto the floor, careful not to disturb Middle as I delicately step upon his bed to reach the top bunk. Until all that's left is the fitted sheet. With 2 different circles of spewage.

By this time, as Eldest is crying in the hall bathroom, Hubby stumbles in to see what's going on. He takes charge of Eldest, putting a clean shirt on him and watching him brush his teeth. They both settle into our bed.

Meanwhile, I'm left with the detritus. I manage to strip the bed down to the mattress and am careful to keep the fitted sheet and mattress cover wound tightly in a ball so as not to let the slowly permeating stench of vomit escape any more than it already has.

I shove the mound into the washer. But something catches my eye.

Houston: We have chunkage.

What to do? Besides curse, that is.

I gingerly remove the sheet from the washer, not daring to breathe in the wretched fumes, and take it downstairs to the kitchen sink so I can rinse it in the sink.

Oh. My. God.

Chicken. Eldest had eaten McD's Chicken Selects for dinner. (No, nothing as simple as McNuggets. It had to be Chicken Selects.) There they were in all their glory. In two separate spots, mind you.

Want to know how bad it was? (Well, you're still reading, so you have no choice...) I had to use the garbage disposal. THAT BAD.

And? For the one instant I lost my focus on NOT breathing through my nose? I gagged and feared that I would be tossing my cookies chicken next.

So I carried the sopping, but chunk-free, mess back upstairs and started the laundry. And then?

Got to sleep on the couch for the rest of the night, as Eldest and Hubby were fully ensconced under the warm blankets, fast asleep.

I don't think (fingers crossed here) that Eldest actually has a stomach bug. I think it was perhaps a bit of food poisoning. He had eaten well before 6pm and when he got sick, it was 3am. And man, that stuff wasn't a bit digested.

Everyone else here in the Trenches (again, fingers crossed) feels fine. Famous last words, right?

Anyway, Eldest is laying low today, sipping on ginger ale and he has already vowed to never eat Chicken Selects again. Amen to that.


Judy said...

Oh my goodness, I am so sorry I somehow cursed that upon you...

Last night, I had dinner with a fellow blogger and we got to talking about the middle-of-the-night spew-fests, and the ensuing clean up process that involves shaking sheets outside and washing them in the kitchen sink.

I promise never to speak of it again!

You get some rest today, too...okay?

Judy said...

And, WHY is is always the kid on the TOP bunk? That is totally how it is in our family, too!

Deb said...

I've never dealt with chunky kid vomit (yet), but dog barf... absolutely. I can't believe I'm admitting this, but I just throw the chunk-covered clean-up towels in the wash on extra-hot and wipe the drain of the washer out when it's all done. The chunks are sterilized by then, and no chance of empathetic vomiting by moi.

Can you believe I just admitted that?

azusmom said...

I'm so sorry! I HATE that! It happened last week with our 6 year-old. He was fine the next day.
What is it with 3 AM? I know 4 is supposed to be the witching hour, so is 3 the vomit hour?

Anonymous said...

Moral of the story: don't feed your kids McDonald's.

Annie said...

Poor poor baby - there is nothing worse than throwing up - well, maybe cleaning it up!

Hope he's on the mend.

I haven't been here in ages - sorry! Bad blog reader lately!

Greens and Pinks said...

Oh my god, anonymous is RIGHT! How could the solution be so SIMPLE?

*heavy sarcasm*

Sorry about the chunkage. I would have to agree that at least in our house, 3am IS the vomit hour. Hope everyone else in the trenches stays vomit-free.

AFRo said...

Ick. That is THE worst sick in my opinion. I couldn't help but laugh at your descriptions... been there, done that.

And I want to know where the video went? I'm sad to see it's gone!

Amanda said...

Typing with teeth clenched and pregnancy squeamishness in full effect.

Mom of 5 said...

Middle of the night chicken chunkage is pretty gag worthy. You have my sympathies. *shudder*

The words "I threw up" or hearing them puke on the monitor is an instant eye opener. It's amazing how fast you can run in the middle of the night to try to get them from bunk to bathroom as quickly as possible.

My worst ever puke story involves pizza and Red kool aid. EVERYWHERE. Including the ceiling. But no, it didn't stop there. Down the hall, the entire bathroom, and everything in between got nailed. I swear my daughter's head rotates 360 degrees when she throws up. She now sleeps on the bottom bunk. And I swear, it's only for that reason. The night she puked on the ceiling was her last night in the top bunk.

Alex Elliot said...

Oh man! I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you and your family that you'll remain healthy. Wow, the garbage disposal! My son peed in his bed last night.

SLC said...

Argh!! How awful. I've had many similar nights recently when my son was potty training. Not quite as bad as that, but similar. :-(

Unknown said...

Ah, the joys of parenthood. I had a very similar experience, twice, which I have deemed Puke Fest 2008 Pt. 1 and Pt. 2.

Elizabeth said...

Oh dear. that's bad. Poor kid.

and ew, poor you.

I think I emailed you with new blog address. :)

Amy said...

EEEwwww. Been there, done that.

Oh so sorry!! I hope he's feeling better!

Manic Mommy said...

I feel your pain. HRH puked from coughing so hard last week. At 4:00 am. On our bed. On my side.

You're a better man than I. I changed the sheets (of course) but they stayed in the hall until the morning. Gross but better than straining chunks in the wee small hours.

Anonymous said...

Oh no!
Been there...and chunkage is NOT easy! I threw away a comforter because of just was never the same!
Good luck with keeping the illness away!

Major Bedhead said...

Ew. My eldest daughter did this at 3 a.m. last night? This morning? Whatever. Some gawdawful time. She threw up on her bedroom floor, the hall floor and ALL over the bathroom. Mind, my bathroom is small, but still. I had to get out the mop. And I can't tell you the last time I mopped anything.

So, yeah. Totally feeling your pain today. She's still puking. I had it Saturday, the babies had it last week and the week before. Fun times. Oy.

Janet said...

Three words you never want to hear.

Anne B. said...

Ewwwww... the garbage disposal? I thought tub poo would be the about as bad as it gets. I see it's just the tip of the iceberg!

Sincerely Iowa said...

You poor thing! Funny how it seems to be McDonald's in our house, too. My youngest swears she's "allergic" to McDonald's chicken!

And the chunks-- those are the WORST!

Christibear said...

Just passed through our house all in one day too. Baby on our bed, Kid 1 on top bunk, Kid 2 & 3 on bottom bunk. Kid 1 has a terrible habit of hanging her head over the railing to vomit instead of just keeping it on the sheets! I thank God I own my own steam cleaner.


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