Thursday, November 29, 2007

Earning the Big Bucks

As a paralegal, I am required to bill my time. That is, a description of whatever task I perform must be written down, along with the amount of time it took me to complete that task. So that, in turn, the client can be billed by the law firm for the services performed on his/her behalf.

So for the past 10 years (!), while at work, I've been living my life in 6 minute increments:
.1 = 6 minutes
.5 = 30 minutes
1.0 = 1 hour
You get my drift.

My new job? (That starts on Monday. Ack!) I DON'T HAVE TO BILL MY TIME! This is huDge, people. Keeping track of my billable hours has become second nature to me, but it seems like it will be so...freeing...to NOT have to record every little thing I do!

So in memoriam, here's a little spoof on my paralegal timesheets. Instead, I offer you my billing for an 8-hour day in the Trenches, from the time Hubby leaves for work until he returns in the evening. I'm certain that you all will be able to relate!

HYGIENE, which includes:
Butt wiping
Nose blowing
Face wiping
Hand washing
Diaper changing
TOTAL= .7 (Why are my boyz so...leaky?)

MEAL PREPARATION & SERVICE, which includes:
Breakfast
Snack
Sippy-cup refills
Lunch
Snack
Sippy-cup refills
Dinner
Dessert
TOTAL=2.0 (Here in the Trenches, meals are equivalent to feeding time at the zoo. After the animals haven't been fed for a week. Or two. It's that messy. And chaotic.)

CLEANING, which includes:
Wiping countertops
Scrubbing gook off kitchen floor
Assorted picking up
Washing dishes
Vacuuming
TOTAL=2.5 (This total could easily be much higher. I feel like I spend my entire day with either a sponge in my hand or a buttload of toys in my arms.)

LAUNDRY, which includes:
Sorting
Folding
Putting away
TOTAL=1.0 (Frigging laundry.)

REFEREEING, which includes:
Breaking up fights
Administering and following through with time-outs
Making sure all portions distributed perfectly equally
TOTAL=.8 (Seems like much longer though.)

ADMINISTRATIVE (ie., non-billable time), which includes:
Blogging
Reading newspaper
Answering/making various phone calls
Peeling off nail polish
Sneaking leftover (albeit stale) Halloween candy
TOTAL=1.0 (Ok, maybe its a leeetle more than than, but for the sake of the math working out, an hour it is.)

The kicker? My old law firm pimped billed me out at a rate of $150 per hour! Hmmm...do ya think I could present Hubby with an invoice for my services rendered in the Trenches?

Riiiiiiiight.

Cross-posted at New England Mamas.

11 comments:

ali said...

not having to bill your time is awesome.
i had to do it when i was a freelancer...it's so nice to just get a plain old paycheck!

Angry Julie said...

Yay on no billing!!

My day at work is spent in 24 hour time. All I ever do is count. Someone says, "It occurred at 1900 hours". I'm like, omg, let me count, oh wait that's 7pm.

Good luck on the new job~~

Rachel said...

Congrats on no longer having to bill your time.
And HOLY HEll! That was freaking hysterical! Thank you so much for the laughs! Your page always makes me smile... why haven't I blogrolled you yet? *hitting self on forehead*
Trotting off to do that now :-)

Kate said...

Excitement abounds, with this not-billing stuff.

I used to work as a transcriptionist, and when I worked in the office (in Cambridge), I billed by the quarter-hour. And I remember thinking, "Holy cow, this is EASY!" Because back in the day, I worked on IBM's helpdesk and billed to the nearest 5 minutes.

Then I had my first baby and was allowed to work from home, but could never seem to get a solid, consistent hourlong block, and couldn't remember to mark down how many minutes I'd worked, and was generally pathetic, paperwork-billing-wise. So I switched to a by-the-page rate, and the heavens opened, angels sung, rainbows glowed, the whole nine yards.

I don't know what I'll do if I ever have to go back to incremental billing. I think those brain cells are officially dead.

Kricket said...

Your so funny! I used to live my life in 6 minute increments also. Now I work for a litigator who works for a flat fee!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!! Congrats on the new job!

Jenn said...

This is funny....I just started a new job, and am billing....in six minute increments.

I didn't believe my boss when he told me that I'd start thinking in six minute intervals constantly, but already I am.

(.10)

Kerry said...

I tried asking for a raise when i wasn't working (working outside the home that is) and my husband just laughed at me. I also invoiced him once. That didn't work either.

Get yourself a maid (if you don't already have one) - it will be the best $200 a month you could spend!

BEST OF LUCK ON MONDAY!!!

Shell in the City said...

Ok, I want to puke... My life is still in 6 minute increments. I can hear "Freebird" playing as I dream of not having to bill for my time. Congrats on landing the killer job!!! Are they still hiring?

Angela said...

If only we could get paid in $ to do the mommy thing

Catherine said...

Once upon a time I was an HR person, working as an Au Pair, and I had tons of fun making up fake resumes that translated mommy/nanny work into marketable work experience. This reminds me of the same kind of spoof. :)

Nice to "meet" you!
catherine

Deb said...

Ohhhh, how I wish I could bill at my old rates as the VP of an ad agency!!!

You're so lucky -- no timesheets!! Those were the bain of my existence back in my working days.

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