Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Mommy Guilt Rears Its Ugly Head---Again

We took bets on whether he'd actually do it, but so far, so good. You see, Middle is having a "sleep-over" at my Sis's house tonight. When I arrived home from work, he was already gone.

Dinner was peaceful. Baby made his usual mess--compounded by the fact that he was eating spaghetti--a bitch to clean up--but he also had 3 helpings of pork roast. Rainman Eldest regaled us with baseball stats while he heartily ate his meal. There was no goading or yelling (by Hubby or me) to "eat your dinner!" Cleanup was a breeze. No fights to referee, no whining to be admonished.

Eldest and Baby took a bath together tonight. (Usually Middle and Baby bathe together and Eldest takes a shower.) They played in the tub together for 30 whole minutes while Hubby and I got to chat. Freshly scrubbed and in their jammies, they came back downstairs and the 4 of us sat in the sunroom and watched the Red Sox while Eldest and I tossed a small football back and forth and Hubby played catch with Baby. And then I remarked, "Wow. What a difference without Middle, huh?"

Enter the Mommy Guilt. I feel ashamed because tonight, as one of my own is not at home tucked snugly into his own bed...I don't miss him.

Middle has always had a, shall I say, LARGE personality, since the day he was born. I remember the nurses bringing him back to me (on more than one occasion) from the hospital nursery because he was crying so loud and so hard. He wasn't a good breastfeeder (we only lasted 3 weeks). He cried constantly. He had acid reflux. He had colic. He was put on special formula (Enfamil with Nutramigen). And did I mention that he cried constantly? As a matter of fact, to this day, in almost 3 whole years of his little life, he has only awoken (in the morning and after naps) a handful of times not crying. Seriously.

Yet, he's our family clown. He's silly (or as my Mom likes to say, "He's foolish!"). He loves music. He adores reading books. He's obsessed with Thomas the Train. He has huge chocolate brown eyes and quite an overbite. Thinking of the silly faces he can make puts an immediate smile on my face as I type this.

He's not the oldest, but he's not the baby either. He's my Middle. And yes, while tonight I acknowledge that I welcomed a brief respite from the chaos that is Middle, I couldn't imagine life In the Trenches without him.


Kate said...

Nah, skip the guilt. Just remind yourself that absence makes the heart grow fonder, and you need that space to stock up on fondness sometimes...

Unknown said...

Your thoughts about Middle are too precious. And yes, according to Mommy Guilt you are supposed to feel bad that you don't really miss him (even though you do), but don't feel guilty because Mommy Guilt does not work for good, only evil. Feel good knowing that Middle is having a great time at your sister's house and that your oldest and baby got to bond in a way that they never have before. P.S. sorry for attempting to be profound. I just hate Mommy Guilt!

hqm said...

I have a "Middle", too! I think the big personality comes with the territory. She is the one that makes me the craziest and she makes me laugh the hardest! She is our "nudge" but, she is also so sweet and helpful! We will never figure her out!
As far as the guilt...get over it!
We notice the dynamics of our house changes when any one of them is out of the mix!

Heather said...

Awwww, sweet!

Don't feel guilty. My boys went to Grandma's for an entire weekend and we didn't miss them either.

My sister has 3 kids. She said any two together are ok, but throw a 3rd one in there and it is chaos. Must be group dynamics.

ed's girl said...

my friend who also has 3 boys older ages 5-10yr says that it doesn't really matter which one is gone at the time---it is just easier w/ only two---i guess i will soon see and i am nervous--yikes!

Shauna Loves Chocolate said...

Don't feel bad about not missing him when he's gone. Only be concerned if you dread him coming back.

Everyone needs time away from their families and if you give off bad vibes about him being away, he won't learn that properly. Instead, embrace that he wants to be with family without you (and that your sister wants him). It's good for him to have his own identity.

Give him a big hug when he comes home. You'll both love a good snugggle!

Amanda said...

That's wonderful. I love your honesty. And I as I sit mulling a third I appreciate honesty so very much. I, by the way, have alittle one who in the spirit of Dances with Wolves could easily go by the name Wakes with Screams and Tears. If Middle decides not to marry his betrothed from the family of three girls, perhaps he'd consider this first born tery waker we have in the Adirondacks, at 2.5 she has already faded one Red Sox cap and is on to her second


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