Dinner was peaceful. Baby made his usual mess--compounded by the fact that he was eating spaghetti--a bitch to clean up--but he also had 3 helpings of pork roast.
Eldest and Baby took a bath together tonight. (Usually Middle and Baby bathe together and Eldest takes a shower.) They played in the tub together for 30 whole minutes while Hubby and I got to chat. Freshly scrubbed and in their jammies, they came back downstairs and the 4 of us sat in the sunroom and watched the Red Sox while Eldest and I tossed a small football back and forth and Hubby played catch with Baby. And then I remarked, "Wow. What a difference without Middle, huh?"
Enter the Mommy Guilt. I feel ashamed because tonight, as one of my own is not at home tucked snugly into his own bed...I don't miss him.
Middle has always had a, shall I say, LARGE personality, since the day he was born. I remember the nurses bringing him back to me (on more than one occasion) from the hospital nursery because he was crying so loud and so hard. He wasn't a good breastfeeder (we only lasted 3 weeks). He cried constantly. He had acid reflux. He had colic. He was put on special formula (Enfamil with Nutramigen). And did I mention that he cried constantly? As a matter of fact, to this day, in almost 3 whole years of his little life, he has only awoken (in the morning and after naps) a handful of times not crying. Seriously.
Yet, he's our family clown. He's silly (or as my Mom likes to say, "He's foolish!"). He loves music. He adores reading books. He's obsessed with Thomas the Train. He has huge chocolate brown eyes and quite an overbite. Thinking of the silly faces he can make puts an immediate smile on my face as I type this.
He's not the oldest, but he's not the baby either. He's my Middle. And yes, while tonight I acknowledge that I welcomed a brief respite from the chaos that is Middle, I couldn't imagine life In the Trenches without him.